Battle: Los Angeles (2011)

Director: Jonathan Liebesman

Writer: Christopher Bertolini

Starring: Aaron Eckhart, Michelle Rodriguez, Bridget Moynahan

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1217613/

 Another fucking alien invasion movie... really? If you're going to do, at least try to do it right... there were so many bad-ass ones in the 80's. The 90's were even alright... yes... even Will Smith. But this dreck they've been shoveling down out throats? Not even entertaining.

 We open up in the middle of battle, L.A. is a warzone, then it cuts 24 hours or so earlier. Let's us get to know our little group of marines and how they got together. Lets us know enough of their personal lives so we care about them. Halfway through the movie we finally get to see some lame aliens and space-ships. Nothing great.

 Worst part of the film... it's not even single camera self-shot like 'Cloverfield' or anything. It's pro-shot like a real movie is supposed to be, complete with "moving" cinematic score. Worst part is... the goddamn thing is shakier than the  'Blair Witch Project', seriously... no wonder the pregnant chick puked and left early... When you have a budget this big, invest in a steady-cam so we can see what the hell is going on guys. Oh... and is anyone else sick of Michelle Rodriguez? I mean seriously... she's not that hot and does anyone actually buy her as a tough-as-nails bad-ass chick like she always, always, always portrays?

Verdict: *

- Xtoph

I Am Number Four (2011)

Director: D.J. Caruso

Writers: Alfred Gough, Mile Millar

Starring: Alex Pettyfer, Timothy Olyphant, Dianna Agron

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1464540/

 Not knowing what I was in for I chose films based on what time they started. In this one, Alex Pettyfer plays John, or number Four. AN alien heart-throb that belongs on the WB, or whatever television station plays this crap nowadays. Mean aliens tried to kill off his kind and are hunting him down after they escaped to the planet earth. They try and blend in and move around a lot. He falls in love and doesn't want to keep moving. The bad aliens find him and they battle. The end. Great storyline, right?

 If your into shows like Smallville and whatever kinda crap like that they play on the teevee, you'll dig this flick. It's got pretty girls and boys, lots of craptastic action, aliens and laser guns and childish humor. All the makings of a classic. I wouldn't waste my ten bucks on this...

Verdict: * *

- Xtoph

Season Of The Witch ( 2011 )

Season of the Witch
Starring:  Nicolas Cage, Ron Perlman, Stephen Campbell Moore, Claire Foy, & Stephen Graham

Directed By Dominic Sena

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0479997/


     Ah, what a way to start off the new year.  Last year at this time I was trying to get over the Avatar craze, but was met with sub-par fair.  I guess having Rogue Angels ( Legion ) and Vamps on a blood shortage ( Daybreakers ) was a little too much for your average movie goer.  This year however, will see a possible month for movies.  Just this month alone Nicolas Cage will have 2 big releases with SOTW and Drive Angry 3D, and if it's any indication as to how Nicolas is going to fair, well lets just say that he is off to a helluva start.

     Season Of The Witch takes place in the 14th century crusades time.  Behman ( Cage ) and Felson ( Perlman  ) are friends and fellow crusaders who seem to be doing nothing more than ripping through countless enemies in countless battles, and debating who will by the drinks later.  After taking an innocent life during a battle, Behman and Felson denounce the crusades and set off in search of something different.  Along the way, our hero's run into a village that seems to be run over by the Black Plague.

     After being arrested, Behman & Felson are more or less asked to take what is believed to be the source of the Plague ( a girl ) out to another  town to be dealt with by other religious heads at the monastery.  If they complete this task, both men will be pardoned for their crimes.  Knowing that the trip will be rough and possibly dangerous, Behman recruits a few of the villagers to assist with the transportation of the girl.  Along the way, the team has to overcome the possibility that maybe this child isn't what she seems and they might be in for more than they bargained for.

     I gotta admit, I expected this movie to suck.  I will now eat my words.  With a run time of 95minutes, the pace was pretty brisk and the story moved along with ease.  The fighting scenes were decent, but seemed like it was holding back on the gore, which really didn't need to be shown because the Black Plague victims were disgusting enough to make some people look away, which made me wonder how in the hell did this movie only get a PG-13 rating?  Oh wait, if there was a tit or cock shot, it would've been a hard R rating.

     Overall I was impressed with this movie.  I'm glad to see Cage busting out some decent roles now.  Kick Ass & Sorcerers Apprentice were only just a taste as to what we might see from Mr. Cage in the years to come.

-Mr. What?- ( * * * )

Predators (2010)

Starring: Adrien Brody, Topher Grace, Alice Braga, Walton Goggins, Oleg Taktarov, Laurence Fishburn, & Danny Trejo

Directed By Nimrod Antel

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1424381/

In a summer-blockbuster season that thus far offers one instant classic ("Toy Story 3"), a handful of forgettable pleasures and a stunning number of big-budget bombs, "Predators" earns more points than it might otherwise simply for stripping itself down to storytelling fundamentals.

The movie's a fairly successful attempt by producer Robert Rodriguez ("Sin City") and director Nimród Antal ("Kontroll") to recapture the no-nonsense glory of John McTiernan's 1987 action hit "Predator," which introduced the eponymous alien hunting human commandos in the jungle. (That glory was tarnished after Fox squandered its potentially great movie monster in a series of increasingly weak sequels -- the last one featuring a Predator lurking about in small-town Colorado.)

This time around, a clever premise takes the series back to its '87 basics. Mercenaries and criminals from across the Earth are (literally) dropped into an alien-jungle "game preserve" to be killed by a Predator hunting party. They try to survive while resisting the urge to turn on each other, with varying degrees of success. And that's pretty much it. The whole enterprise feels like a pretty decent, grim little lost-patrol mash-up of the original "Predator" and "Pitch Black" -- a perfectly fine night at the beer-theater, in other words.

While "Predators" isn't nearly as vivid or fresh as the original, it's certainly its strongest sequel. It's also a weird semi-nostalgia trip back to the days when Joel Silver ruled action cinema, when directors had the patience to lock their cameras down and calmly set up situations before blowing things up in comprehensible action beats -- all while quickly sketching a large "Aliens"-style action cast (this time using Adrien Brody, Laurence Fishburne, Walton Goggins, Alice Braga, Topher Grace and the great Danny Trejo, among others).

It's a little sad this summer has been so lame that I'm now turning to pretty-good '80s pastiches for my meat-and-potatoes action fix. Here's hoping Sly Stallone's "The Expendables" delivers along the same lines.

( * * * ) Mr. What?

Splice ( 2010 )

Starring: Adrien Brody, Sarah Polley, & Delphene Chaneac

Directed By Vincenzo Natali

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1017460/



I'm not sure if "Splice" is a great monster movie, but it features a great movie monster.

The film revolves around an unsettling chimera, named "Dren" by her creators. Dren is a lethal mix of lovely human girl and vicious stinging predator DNA -- the result of a reckless secret experiment by two bioengineers (Sarah Polley, Adrien Brody) who barely seem to understand their own motivations.

Dren is delicately played by Delphine Chanéac, with some incredible digital and prosthetic help; when the lighting's just so, she looks a little like Björk with fawn legs. Co-writer/director Vincenzo Natali ("Cube") uses the creature beautifully, flipping Dren from wounded girl to wild animal in a heartbeat. Like the best movie monsters, Dren is both sad and scary, and Natali slowly reveals her full genetic feature set to create some genuine surprises -- even as he takes "Splice" to horrible, uncomfortably dark psychosexual places that wouldn't be out of place in a David Cronenberg flick.

All that said, I wish the humans in the movie were stronger, or at least made a bit more sense.

Polley and Brody are good actors, but their characters aren't particularly compelling on the page. They're famous scientists who don't seem to engage in much actual science, their conversations are a bit drab, and despite their superstar status at the big-pharma company that employs them, they're able to hide a screeching, unholy side-project from their colleagues by -- get this -- turning up the stereo and moving into unused rooms.

(Also, and I know this is a function of the film's low budget, it would be nice if the big-pharma company seemed to employ more than about six people.)

The human factor keeps "Splice" from achieving true poetic-horror greatness; to my thinking, Natali shoots for a thematic richness he doesn't quite realize. But horror fans should still seek the film out for Dren -- one of the most striking abominations to hit the big screen in a while. I'll take something this ambitious over another PG-13 '80s-horror remake any day of the week.

( * * * )

Mr. What?

Hot Tube Time Machine ( 2010 )

Starring: John Cusack, Clark Duke, Craig Robinson, Rob Corddry & Crispin Glover

Directed By Steve Pink

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0892769/


Imagine a pack of drunken man-boys remaking "Back to the Future" -- only instead of the characters time-traveling to 1955, they end up on the set of an R-rated straight-to-video ski-slope comedy from the '80s.

That sort of sums up the filthy, ramshackle vibe of the coarse-funny "Hot Tub Time Machine." It's about three friends (John Cusack, Craig Robinson, Rob Corddry) getting a do-over on their life-changing teenage mistakes at a ski resort in 1986, thanks to the patently ridiculous titular time-hopping device. Along for the ride are Cusack's mortified 20-year-old nephew (Clark Duke), who can't imagine a world without a Wide Web, and a mysterious mechanic (Chevy Chase) who gives advice so cryptic it's absolutely useless.

It's pretty fantastic to see Cusack return to raunchy comedy -- he hasn't been this fun to watch since his "High Fidelity"/"Grosse Pointe Blank" days -- and Robinson, Duke and especially Corddry make the most of their chance to show off after years of solid supporting work. (Also nice: The snarky '80s references and cameos, including appearances by a surly one-armed Crispin Glover and a gun-toting William "Karate Kid" Zabka.)

The movie's as casual as its lead characters' approach to changing history; it's also lewdly and frequently laugh-out-loud hilarious -- especially if you wasted any of your youth watching a certain brand of '80s comedy schlock on HBO at 2 a.m.

-Mr. What?-

The Book Of Eli ( 2010 )

Starring: Denzel Washington, Gary Oldman, Mila Kunis, Ray Stevenson, & Jennife Beals.

Directed By The Hughs Brothers


http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1037705/
I want to make this clear right at the start: "The Book of Eli" is derivative as all get-out. It's an action movie smashed together from the pulp of seemingly every post-apocalyptic flick ever made, from "The Omega Man" to "Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome" to "Children of Men," with Westerns and biblical epics thrown in for good measure.

But as derivative movies go, "Eli" goes down fairly smoothly, thanks to an unusually strong cast and visual ideas from co-directing brothers Albert and Allen Hughes.

The story sort of plays like a thrill-ride version of "The Road," with healthier-looking cannibals and a sillier ending. Eli (Denzel Washington) plays that most clichéd of apocalypse heroes: the lone man walking the post-nuclear wasteland in slo-mo, looking incredibly cool and somehow possessing morals and ammunition the rest of society lost long ago.

The twist is that in addition to his machete and 9 mm (and working iPod -- don't ask), Eli also carries a Bible. It's apparently one of the last tomes of Christian Scripture on Earth, and our hero is bringing it West with a holy sense of mission.

Unfortunately, Eli's scavenging, slo-mo walking and well-choreographed brawls with cannibal rapists are interrupted when the leader of a start-up community (Gary Oldman) decides he needs the Good Book all to himself. Oldman is always fun to watch in genre pieces, because there's a chance he'll indulge his hilarious tendency to yell his lines and twitch (see: "Leon: The Professional"). He doesn't disappoint here, snarling at his henchmen that he wants the Bible because "It's a WEAPON!!!" he can use to control the illiterate masses.

Of course, if no one can read or remembers that the Bible even existed 30 years after a nuclear war, I'm not sure why Oldman can't just crack open any old book and tell the townsfolk it's the Word of God. But whatever. This is the sort of movie that crumbles into dust under that sort of analysis. Best not to bother asking why the roads and machined metals are in such good shape, either.

I enjoyed "Book of Eli" for exactly what it is, a slicker-than-usual genre piece with some nicely bleak special-effects landscapes, but I'm also well aware that it's a movie that wants to have its cake and eat it, too. Eli is decidedly Old Testament about protecting the New Testament, for one thing.

The Hughes brothers and screenwriter Gary Whitta thieve mightily from other future wasteland flicks -- they even seem to work in a few nods to "The Postman," I swear -- but they're fairly skilled thieves. Of note is one single-take gunfight that plays like a Joel Silver-ized "Children of Men."

The movie also makes the goofy-but-fascinating choice of taking Eli's mission from God very, very literally in a genre environment that's usually a lot more punk-rock about its cynicism. This makes "Eli" sort of wonderfully silly toward the end, as if the Hughes brothers set out to make the first-ever faith-based "Mad Max" movie.

Overall Rating ( * * * )

Mr. What?

2012 ( 2009 )

Starring John Cusack, Amanda Peet, Chiwetel Eliofor, Thandie Newton, Woody Harrelson, & Oliver Platt

Directed By Roland Emmerich

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1190080/


Near the beginning of the drawn-out finale of "2012," one of the countless doomed victims of global catastrophe turns to our hero, Jackson Curtis (John Cusack), and says, "You're a lucky man, Jackson." Truer words were never spoken.

The seemingly hapless Curtis manages to dodge nearly every form of disaster-movie death known to Hollywood -- fire, flood, falling, volcanic eruption, spewed sewage -- but he does so through no apparent skill of his own.

He also manages to make his way from Los Angeles to the climactic events in the Himalayan Mountains through a series of absurdly far-fetched chance encounters (Hey, look! A gigantic Russian cargo jet! How handy!) But that's not all: The cataclysm that kills nearly everyone on Earth doesn't merely spare Jackson Curtis, it allows him to prosper.

After all, there's nothing like the fruition of apocalyptic Mayan soothsaying to bring a divorced dad back in the familial fold. The optimistic credo that Curtis, a failed writer, espouses in his science fiction novel turns out to be true as well, so his career ends up primed for a boost.

Of course, "2012," like all the disaster movies it draws from and seeks to one-up, spits in the face of such observations. Too many unexplained coincidences? Dialogue so purple it would make Prince blush? One-dimensional characters? Soulless scenes of mass carnage interspersed with cloying, manipulative dialogue or rapid-fire exposition? Shopworn supporting roles such as Woody Harrelson's wacky conspiratorial radio host and Danny Glover's noble president? Well, what did you expect? It's a disaster movie.

True enough, and part of the appeal is the way director Roland Emmerich, no stranger to the genre ("Independence Day," "The Day After Tomorrow"),  faithfully fulfills expectations.

It seems, as per ancient Mesoamerican prediction, that the Earth is doomed in the year 2012, thanks to huge solar flares heating the planet's core, leading eventually to free-floating tectonic plates. And that's never a good thing. Politicians (including oily cynic Oliver Platt) and scientists (especially heroic and principled Chiwetel Ejiofor) secretly race to deal with the impending badness, while Cusack, on a camping trip with his two kids, stumbles -- there's that luck again -- onto the truth. He gathers up his ex-wife (Amanda Peet) and her new husband (Tom McCarthy)  and the five of them manage to get out of Los Angeles just before California slides into the sea.

That sequence, which has formed the basis for much of the film's marketing, is the most impressive, mostly because it's the last time the destruction occurs on anything close to a human scale.

For years now, disaster movie auteurs have been upping the ante of destruction. In the 1970s, it was sufficient for several hundred souls to perish in "The Poseidon Adventure," but thanks to Emmerich and his ilk, nothing less than extinction-level events will do the trick these days.

Unfortunately, wrestling with the concept of humanity as an endangered species is more gripping than trying to depict it onscreen. No matter how many aircraft carriers get swept onto the White House, no matter how many mega-volcanoes burst forth from Yellowstone Park, no matter how many ancient basilica domes collapse onto worshipping masses, none of them are as satisfying as a limousine careening under and through collapsing skyscrapers.

Although "2012" is what they call "critic-proof," it's not immune to analysis. It depicts a world where no one, man or God, has much say in what happens to the planet, and where the survival of one family outweighs the deaths of billions. What does that say about us? Audiences who pay money to see "2012" and come away disappointed in its refusal to address such ideas should keep in mind the movie's tagline: We were warned.

Overall Rating ( * * )

Mr. What?

The Fourth Kind ( 2009 )

Starring: Milla Jovovich, Will Patton, Hakeem Kae-Kazim, & Corey Johnson

Directed By Olatunde Osunsanmi

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1220198/


As movie-selling gimmicks go, "The Fourth Kind" has a fairly good one.

Let's see if we can explain this. The film opens as star Milla Jovovich walks up to the camera, introduces herself as "actress Milla Jovovich" and tells us we're about to watch a docudrama about a real alien-abduction researcher named Dr. Abigail Tyler.

Jovovich then spends the rest of the movie as Tyler, a woman who comes to believe that aliens are terrorizing Nome, Alaska, residents, including her. Among the skeptics is the county sheriff, played by Will Patton, who gives the same furious ham-and-cheese performance he rocked in "The Postman."

This supposed re-enactment is intercut with supposed "actual interviews" and "archived audio," recorded by the supposedly real Dr. Tyler. There's even an "actual" video Q&A with Tyler, supposedly recorded years after the Alaskan events. The poor doctor is as pale as an actor slathered in makeup and speaks in a traumatized monotone that might be mistaken for an on-the-nose line reading if it weren't, you know, "real."

Anyhoo. Get past the distracting "is it or isn't it?" nonsense, and "Fourth Kind" has its moments.

There are some slightly unnerving shots of owls and a couple of hypnotic-regression sessions gone bone-snappingly wrong. I like very much that writer/director Olatunde Osunsanmi has no intention of giving us a clear look at his alien menace. He also has some meta fun with a few split-screen shots that contrast his "documentary" and "re-enacted" footage.

Unfortunately, the story finally gets too silly to believe, even if you Want to Believe. There's too much unnecessary psychologically muddled stuff involving the death of Tyler's husband, plus some final-act foolishness that's basically the equivalent of a doctor who treats broken necks by asking someone to break her neck so she can better understand the injury.

The movie's carnival-barker hard sell is that it's after The Truth. It's really after an opening-weekend gross, of course. It's sporadically clever and chilling, but I'll be shocked if it endures as a "Blair Witch"-style horror vérité phenomenon.

Overall Rating ( * * * )

Mr. What?

Surrogates (2009)

Starring: Bruce Willis, Ving Rhames, Radha Mitchell,  Rosamund Pike & Boris Kodjoe

Directed by Jonathan Mostow

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0986263/

Any time any slightly new piece of technology comes along, you can count on allegorical science fiction adventure following quick on its heels, taking the basic idea and expanding it to ridiculous extremes in order to make a none to subtle point about the human condition. Sometimes about chocolate, but usually the human condition. All right, I’m lying about some of that.


The overreaction in “Surrogates” is based on the world of MySpace and Facebook and social networking in general. At some point in the near future, human beings have the ability to live vicariously through robot doppelgangers. They look the way their owners want them to look, sound the way their owners want them to sound and remove the possibilities of harm or embarrassments from life experiences. Which is to say they remove life from life experiences.


They’re also so addictive that, if the opening exposition is to be believed, 90% of the planet use them (which would make them the cheapest life-like humanoid robots ever), and use them so much they don’t bother leaving their homes or even their beds if they can help it. Second Life become First Life.



It’s a bit of a stretch (and by bit, I mean roughly airport runway) but that’s okay. A fair amount of suspension of disbelief is required for these sorts of things, to keep from wondering too much why anyone would be allowed to make the robots super strong for instance. Obviously it’s to make the action sequences as thrilling as possible, but the fact that there’s no better answer than that, while typical of the genre, shows right off the bat how much thought can be expected out of it.

FBI Special Agent Greer (Bruce Willis) hasn’t been outside of his own apartment in years, using his surrogate to investigate crimes, up to and including the first death of a person due to damage done to the surrogate. And not just any person, but the son of the surrogate’s inventor (James Cromwell).

The problem is of course technology interfering with human beings’ ability to actually communicate with one another. Which it can and does, even if not to the absurd extent sci-fi tends to take things in order to make its point. And just in case that point was not made abundantly clear within the first five minutes, director Jonathan Mostow (“Terminator 3”) and his screenwriters spend the next 85 minutes expounding on it. It’s not so much beating a dead horse as driving it into the ground.

Greer has been using his surrogate as way to separate himself from the pain of real life, specifically the loss of his son some years earlier in a car accident, as his wife (Rosamund Pike). The separation is gradually getting to him and he has begun to question, as the anti-surrogate revolutionaries have, if their idealized selves are worth the price.



Willis’ haggard face is maybe the films’ real saving grace. It perfectly sums up that price in one close-up. As his anxiety comes to the surface from trying to fit into the real world (after his surrogate is taken away) Willis is forced to cast aside his usual haughty coolness and manages to become interesting again. The filmmakers have gone to some trouble as well to tie his personal story with his wife into the overall plot, and it does work to some extent.

It also runs into the hard wall that is the overall plot. It’s not bad in and of itself; the villain is somewhat justified in what he’s doing, even if he’s gone off the deep end a bit. A villain who wants more than just villainy or power always makes a story better, and that’s more or less true of “Surrogates.” On the other hand, for his identity to remain secret as long as possible it requires Greer to be quite possibly the dumbest FBI agent in the world. Considering how easily he is lead around by the nose and has to have everything spelled out for him in big block letters, it’s a wonder he ever figures out what’s going on.


For most audiences that wouldn’t matter, they’ve just come for the action sequences where the surrogates jump around and keep going even after taking lots of damage. There’s only a few of those, unfortunately, and while well staged their probably not enough to sate the modern action film lover, even in such a short movie.


Sure it’s ham handed and shallow, with not enough panache to cover up all the spackle holding it together, but that’s okay. Underneath its typical Hollywood exterior there is a decent movie waiting quite a bit of which shines through. But so much else is just typical of the drama, it’s hard to summon any more enjoyment from it.

In fact, if any one word could sum up “Surrogates” it would be just that: typical. But you could do worse.

Overall Review ( * * * )

Mr. What?

Pandorum (2009)

Starring: Dennis Quaid, Ben Foster, Cam Gigandet, Antje Traue, & Cung Le

Directed by Christian Alvart

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1188729/

Ok so here is the skinny.  2 Astronauts aboard an Ark ship awake from their Cryogenic tanks with memory loss.  No clue about who they are or what happened. As they search the ship for clues of origin, mission ( if any ), and other crew members, something is aboard the ship chasing them.  I don't want to give away what is chasing them, but I will say it's Mutants....In some way;)  Nothing original about the movie really, We've seen it before in Pitch Black, Aliens, and so forth, but at times there was a more savage feel than the others.  The only complaint I have is when the Mutants attack its like every other mutant/zombie survival film.  I missed the old days when it wasn't a big shoot em' up fest and you felt like you were there trying to survive.  Now days it's like everything goes into action mode and nobody runs out of ammo.  The SFX were pretty good and the acting was decent as well.  I was suprised with Mr Quaid though.  Finally he pulled the stick out of his ass and decided to play decent roles.  I mean G.I. Joe will always be Ambers bane of life, but I felt he did a good job, and with Pandorum...well....it was like watching him in the 80s with Jaws 3, and Dreamscape.  All in all folks Pandorum wasn't a bad flick at all, it just needed to lax off of the corny action thats all.

Overall rating ( * * * )

Mr. What?

Gamer (2009)

Starring: Gerard Butler, Michael C.Hall, John Leguizamo, Kyra Sedgwick, & Ludacris
Written and Directed by Brian Taylor & Mark Neveldine
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1034032/
Sorry this review is late, but I was really sick. Plus I didn't think Gamer would fit under the Outlaw Cinema criteria....I was wrong. If you liked Death Race, and Doomsday then you will love this flick. It has a revamped 70's Grindhouse feel like the the other two listed, oh and did I mention that the guys behind the Crank series wrote, and directed it? While alot of people loved what the Wachowski brothers did for Cinema with the Matrix saga, I favored the team of Taylor & Neveldine and their pure Crystal Meth fueled, Anarchy cinema classic Crank. My god when Chelios Fucked his girl in China Town.....Cinema Anarchy man... Gamer has the same feel. Gerard Butler has become the next big action hero, in my opinion. He has the Look, Body, Feel, and heart to fill in Ahnulds shoes. Yeah I said the same thing about The Rock, but Gerard was a total badass in 300, and when was the last time The Rock played one? Doom? Anyhow, here is the basic plot of the movie...GAMER is a high-concept action thriller set in a near future when gaming and entertainment have evolved into a terrifying new hybrid. Humans control other humans in mass-scale, multi-player online games: people play people...for keeps. Mind-control technology is widespread, and at the heart of the controversial games is its creator, reclusive billionaire Ken Castle (Michael C. Hall). His latest brainchild, the first-person shooter game "Slayers," allows millions to act out their most savage fantasies online in front of a global audience, using real prisoners as avatars with whom they fight to the death.

Kable (300's Gerard Butler) is the superstar and cult hero of the ultraviolent "Slayers." Kable is controlled by Simon, a young gamer with rock star status who continues to defy all odds by guiding Kable to victory each week. Taken from his family, imprisoned and forced to fight against his will, the modern day gladiator must survive long enough to escape the game to free his family, regain his identity and to save mankind from Castle's ruthless technology. And there you have it. Just like another film back in the day Called The Running Man. Yeah, it's kinda a ripoff of that, and some other movies, but at this point who the fuck cares? The acting is sub par in some scenes, but pretty decent in the next. At times the movie drags and sets you up for some obvious bloodshed, but once again who cares? Gamer is they type of movie that could be a huge summer hit, but then again could tank. I guess the only real bad thing I can say about Gamer, is the name itself. Gamer. When I hear that word I think of my ex-roommate who used to geek out to any Final Fantasy game, or WOW. Locked away in a room with hot pockets you alone must defend the realm from the evil orcs, or battle Sephiroph...which ever one comes first;) Yeah not a great title for the movie, but hey like I said before who the fuck cares?
Overall rating ( * * * )
Mr. What?

District 9 (2009)

Starring: Sharlto Copley, Jason Cope, Nathalie Boltt, & John Summer

Directed by Neill Blomkamp

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1136608/

Holy Fuck. I witnessed a true 5 star movie (in my view at least).  Everything about this movie got solid 10's.  The directing, acting, Vibe, & Story, are just some of the many high points for this film.  When I attended this movie the theater was 1/2 full of people, but before the first preview, it was packed.  I glanced around and saw just about every skin color, and walk of life in the crowd.  I felt then that we were all in for something grand, and this movie didn't let anybody down.....................So our story takes place in Johannesburg South Africa where 20 years ago, a Huge ship just seemed to stop and hover above the city.  With no movement or any sort of signs of life, the government just let it sit.  After some time the Military opens the ship up and finds a race of Starving and sick aliens.  So to cut the fat The government puts the aliens into an area called District 9, which over time turns into a ghetto................over the next 20 years we see the crime rate go up, Mistreatment, and Blatent discrimination to the Aliens reach a dangerous high.  I really liked how the aliens were nothing more than a race of creatures that ate garbage, lived life, and got kinda high off of catfood.  When we get the current day it is absolute filth.  The aliens live in a ghetto run by Militants who control District 9's underground crime ring.  It's all there drug abuse (though not really mentioned) Prostitution, Theft, Assault, and Other nasty ghetto like traits.  The aliens are so poor and down, that they resort to trading weapons for cat food and cattle heads to eat.  The only thing is, humans can't make the alien weapons to work...................So, to keep control of the aliens the government contracts them out to a private company called Multi-National United, which has no intrest at all in the treatment, or rights of the aliens.  It is held from the public that MNU's true purpose is to make the alien weapons work, which they have failed.  Now trim even more fat, MNU decides to evict ALL of the aliens in District 9 into a concentration camp, and try to find more weapons.  So an agent is sent in to evict everybody.  While in District 9 The said agent comes into contact with something that alters his DNA and makes him become part alien and part human.  Needless to say he is now the most wanted man in the country, and must team up with the aliens to figure out a way for them to get back home and make him normal again........................That folks is an epic movie.  I was so enthralled with it that I totally ignored anybody around me and just watched. The  Documentary style of shooting gave everything a very sureal feeling.  I felt like I was back in my old Neighborhood in Portland OR, and at the same time Like my current Neighborhood.  Is that saying that i'm white trash, or a parasite?  Thats exactly how these aliens were meant to feel, and for what?  Getting stuck somewhere they didn't want to be?  I also thought the Hatred twords the aliens was accepted by everyone, thus the nickname the aliens were given.  Prawns.  That name alone denotes low order of the foodchain..............Man I could go on and on, but I wont.  If you have a chance to see this movie, then due so.  It has alot of violence and gore, but you get stuck into the movie that it all seems to fit perfect into the flow.

Overall rating ( * * * * * )

Mr. What?

Terminator: Salvation (2009)

Stars: Christian Bale, Sam Worthington, Helen Bonham Carter, Anton Yelchin.
Direct by: McG
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0438488/

    

     Yes I liked this movie.  There I said it, now leave me alone.  Yes we all know AH-NUHLD isn't the star, it's the 4th one, and it's PG-13.  Just Be quit for a second and let
me explain.  I at first was excited to see this movie.  I love Christian Bales acting and the wife loves him naked with a chainsaw.  C'mon what better "in shape" badass to play Connor Himself than Batman? I was also excited that AH-NULD was NOT going to be in this movie... Hello? he's getting old and flabby it would be like doing The Rocky Horror Picture Show again and having Tim Curry don the same outfit.  That was then, and this is now.

     Well, when I finished the movie I was left feeling that some actors should not have been in this movie...And I'll get to that.

     in this being the 4th movie, we see the Cyberdyne machine come to life in all of it's horror....which i was kinda bummed that the movie takes place in 2018 AFTER Cyberdyne went fully auto.  That kinda pissed me off, I mean for 3 fucking movies now we have been told of the END OF DAYS, and now we finally see what happened, but only AFTER, and not during.....Oh well... So here we are with John Connor Fully grown and being questioned about being the ONE.....Which would explain why he was just a higher up in The military and not the big boss..

       So after some explosions and some death we learn that John Connor is just a soldier in Humanity's last breath of hope...yep.  Oh and John Connor also broadcasts on the air to anybody who will listen, like an open letter for anybody to read.  we also learn that john is going to be a dad.  A part of the movie that should've been cut...all of it.  Along comes the twist which made it interesting..

      John only has the past 2 horrific run in's with Terminators, plus his moms audio diary to go on.  I mean if i got chased not once but TWICE by futuristic Machines, I would be the same way.  Christian Bale did a great job as a John Connor who knows the future but has to sell mankind on it.  The scruffy look and tired eyes sold the horror and doom image that had to have taken a toll on john.  At this point We learn that Kyle Reese must be found before cyberdyne can get him and take him to the human grinding factory in San Fran.

       Kyle reese is in LA smashing T-600's in bonecrushing degrees, when we run into a guy by the name of Marcus Wright.  yes Marcus appeared mud covered and Naked..Hint Hint...so after some amazing stunt work and big booms Marcus and Kyle head out of L.A. to find john Connor...along the way Blair Williams is saved by Marcus and now we have a group....so now with this story and John Connors it gets kinda sappy and lame.

      So Kyle gets captured and Marcus gets himself captured by John....and you can almost guess the rest...Kinda......The movie really picks up steam when the jail break hits....

      Now to the let down..  Bryce Dallas Howard.  I hate when big studios put the wrong actors into roles like this.  Look at Maggie G. in the Dark Knight, Great actor but NOT for the part of Miss Dawes. Same with Bryce, she is good, but not for this role.  I felt she was a part of the drag areas of the movie.  if it would've been some serious role or dramedy, then put her in it.  I mean she did turn down Clerks 2, so why put her into T4?  I did however, LOVE Anton Yelchin.....  The snarl of Reese and the gritted teeth words...man Michael Biehn would be proud....So for Mr. Yelchin this summer has been a HUGE push for serious roles, and he deserves it.

     And yes folks AH-NULD is in it, well at least his 25 year old face is;) 

I enjoyed this movie and hope you all give it a chance..

overall rating (* * *)

-Mr. What?_

Dragonball Evolution (2009)

Director: James Wong
Starring: Justin Chatwin, Yun-Fat Chow, Emmy Rossum & James Marsters
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1098327/

 A boy, Goku, turns 18 and must set out to find the 7 dragonballs to stop evil Lord Piccolo. Based on the cartoon series.

 I remember watching the Dragonball cartoon in the mid-90's I think... I dug it. It's been a while and my memory was rusty, but this seems pretty cool. More or less has the same idea going on. It's got a lot of fun action sequences. James Marsters totally surprised me as Piccolo. Hated the chick playing Bulma though. Worth checking out, I'd wait for the video.

Verdict: * * *

- Al B. Damned

Race To Witch Mountain (2009)

Director: Andy Fickman
Starring: Dwayne Johnson, AnnaSophia Robb, Alexander Ludwig & Carla Gugino
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1075417/

 The Rock is a cabbie in Las Vegas and in the middle of a sci-fi convention some alien kids crash land near sin city and enlist his aid to get back to their ship.

 I don't really remember much of the originals, so I can't say how much this re-make holds true to them, but this was a fun family friendly kind of film. Lots of action and laughs. Worth checking out.

Verdict: * * *

- Al B. Damned

Monsters Vs. Aliens - 3D (2009)

Director: Rob Letterman & Conrad Vernon
Starring: Reese Witherspoon, Seth Rogen, Hugh Laurie, Will Arnet & Kiefer Sutherland
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0892782/

 A Meteorite falls to earth and hits Susan on her wedding day, turning her into a giant of a woman. The U.S. Government comes in a kidnaps and covers up, taking her to a secret compound with a few other monster movie rejects. (A Mad Scientist/Human Cockroach, The Missing Link/Creature From The Black Lagoon, B.O.B./Kind of like the Blob & Insectosaurus a throw-back to the Godzilla movies) Aliens invade and the government brings out the monsters to take out the aliens.

 This movie was a lot of fun, especially in 3D. Growing up on all the old monster movies from the 50's on made this way too much fun for me. It's got a few jokes in there for the adults, but is not dirty like the Shrek movies. Something I would not be embarrassed to take the kids in my family to. If you see this, make sure to see the 3D version. It's worth the extra couple bucks.

Verdict: * * * *

- Al B. Damned

Knowing (2009)

Director: Alex Proyas
Starring: Nicholas Cage & Chandler Canterbury
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0448011/

 Fifty years ago a time capsule is buried by a school. All the kids in the class drew a picture and put in for the future class to get. One of these ends up being a list of dates for catastrophic events and the number of people who will die. After the time capsule is dug up and Nick Cage's son gets the list he figures it out and tries to stop the upcoming ones from happening.

 Fuck... from the synopsis of the film and the previews I did not think this would be that great. I don't even know what to say about it. Fucking intense! Hours later my head is still reeling from the religious overtones. Proyas did an amazing job directing, especially the single shot airplane scene. I'm still a little unsure of how I feel about the ending, but it is definitely not what I would have expected. I already can't wait to see this one again.

Verdict: * * * * *

- Al B. Damned