Evil Dead (2013)

Director: Fede Alvarez

Writer: Fede Alvarez, Diablo Cody

Starring: Jane Levy, Shiloh Fernandez, Jessica Lucas, Lou Taylor Pucci, Elizabeth Blackmore

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1288558/



 Alright, a re-make of the classic Evil Dead. Everyone knows I pretty much worship at the church of Raimi. So, obviously, this re-make was going to bring me out of hiding to do a new review. I actually was dreading this re-make until I read a couple reviews from the early pre-screenings and checked out some video blogs and everything people said made it seem hopeful. So I started to think, maybe this was going to be worth seeing. They must have been paid off. It was awful.

 I know people are still going to want to see this for themselves, so I don't want to give away too much. So I'll just give a basic run-down. It starts out with something different. Not what you're expecting from watching the original. Which quickly turns to cheese and makes it difficult not to laugh. After that, it's still the basic story of 5 kids going to a cabin in the woods and getting fucked off by demons. A few changes here and there. Names, slight plot variations. We do have some familiar themes in music and sound, but it just wasn't enough. You're led to believe it's going to be brutal, but instead it comes off pretty tame. (Note: adding things like a nail gun and some extra gore does not make a film "brutal". For real brutality you have to bring it home in the script.)

 We had a good time. A small screening party with some good food and a few friends. If it hadn't been for that and I had paid to go see it I would have felt ripped off. In spite of everything I left the theater feeling slightly disappointed.

Verdict: * *

- Xtoph

Red Riding Hood (2011)

Director: Catherine Hardwicke

Writer: David Johnson

Starring: Amanda Seyfried, Lukas Haas, Gary Oldman

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1486185/

 The only reason I watched this was because it was the only movie starting at the time I was chillin' at the theater looking for something to do. I wasn't looking forward to anything touted as being made by the same people that made 'Twilight'.

 This is supposed to be the "real" story of where the fable of Red Riding Hood came from... not likely. A werewolf tale for the teeny-bopper set. The only real thing this has going for it is Gary Oldman and Virginia Madsen. Hokey story and CGI werewolf. It was hard to be impressed...

 Now, it wasn't all bad... I mean... if you compare it to Twilight it's definitely a superior film. ha ha ha. Fuck it.

Verdict: * *

- Xtoph

Battle: Los Angeles (2011)

Director: Jonathan Liebesman

Writer: Christopher Bertolini

Starring: Aaron Eckhart, Michelle Rodriguez, Bridget Moynahan

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1217613/

 Another fucking alien invasion movie... really? If you're going to do, at least try to do it right... there were so many bad-ass ones in the 80's. The 90's were even alright... yes... even Will Smith. But this dreck they've been shoveling down out throats? Not even entertaining.

 We open up in the middle of battle, L.A. is a warzone, then it cuts 24 hours or so earlier. Let's us get to know our little group of marines and how they got together. Lets us know enough of their personal lives so we care about them. Halfway through the movie we finally get to see some lame aliens and space-ships. Nothing great.

 Worst part of the film... it's not even single camera self-shot like 'Cloverfield' or anything. It's pro-shot like a real movie is supposed to be, complete with "moving" cinematic score. Worst part is... the goddamn thing is shakier than the  'Blair Witch Project', seriously... no wonder the pregnant chick puked and left early... When you have a budget this big, invest in a steady-cam so we can see what the hell is going on guys. Oh... and is anyone else sick of Michelle Rodriguez? I mean seriously... she's not that hot and does anyone actually buy her as a tough-as-nails bad-ass chick like she always, always, always portrays?

Verdict: *

- Xtoph

Rango (2011)

Director: Gore Verbinski

Writer: John Logan

Starring: Johnny Depp, Isla Fisher, Timothy Olyphant

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1192628/

 I was not looking forward to seeing this when I first saw the trailer. I'm just sick of Johnny Depp doing kid's films. I want to see something different. I lucked out with this one... it's one of those cartoons you can take the kids too, but it's really aimed for the adults.

 Johnny Depp plays Rango, a pet chameleon that gets tossed out onto the highway when the owners have a near accident. That then sends him on a journey through the desert to the town of Dirt. Here he becomes the Sherriff, meets a girl, has some adventures and eventually finds himself. Fun stuff really.

 A lot of kooky characters, a lot you will recognize who they were modeled after. Coolest part is the little tribute to Hunter S. Thompson! Timothy Olyphant plays Rango's spirit guide. The Man With No Name, totally modeled after Clint Eastwood's character from the old spaghetti westerns.

Verdict: * * *

- Xtoph

I Am Number Four (2011)

Director: D.J. Caruso

Writers: Alfred Gough, Mile Millar

Starring: Alex Pettyfer, Timothy Olyphant, Dianna Agron

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1464540/

 Not knowing what I was in for I chose films based on what time they started. In this one, Alex Pettyfer plays John, or number Four. AN alien heart-throb that belongs on the WB, or whatever television station plays this crap nowadays. Mean aliens tried to kill off his kind and are hunting him down after they escaped to the planet earth. They try and blend in and move around a lot. He falls in love and doesn't want to keep moving. The bad aliens find him and they battle. The end. Great storyline, right?

 If your into shows like Smallville and whatever kinda crap like that they play on the teevee, you'll dig this flick. It's got pretty girls and boys, lots of craptastic action, aliens and laser guns and childish humor. All the makings of a classic. I wouldn't waste my ten bucks on this...

Verdict: * *

- Xtoph

Take Me Home Tonight (2011)

Director: Michael Dowse

Writers: Jackie Filgo, Jeff Filgo

Starring: Topher Grace, Anna Faris, Dan Fogler

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0810922/

 Second movie I saw was 'Take Me Home Tonight', the new Topher Grace film. Not really sure how he made if from television to feature films since he's the same in everything he does.

 Topher Grace is a loser who has done nothing with his life and works at the local video store. He has had a crush on a chick out of his league all through school. She come to the store and he lies to act like he's successful now that they are out of high school. She invites him to a party. He calls his buddy who gets fired from his job. They steal a car and snort some coke and party. **Spoiler Alert** An hour and a half later Topher Grace grows some balls and gets the girl.

 This should have had some nostalgia or something, but I felt nothing. There were a few laughs and some tit's once or twice. Nothing to write home about. I kinda have a thing for Anna Faris though... so it was cool seeing her play a chick that was only a little whorish instead of completely whorish like usual. There is really nothing redeeming about this film.

Verdict: * *

- Xtoph

Just Go With It (2011)

Director: Dennis Dugan

Writers: Allan Loeb, Timothy Dowling

Starring: Adam Sandler, Jennifer Aniston, Brooklyn Decker

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1564367/

 Just got off the road and back in Oklahoma, where I can actually find myself in a theater. I got back here and had no clue what any of the movies out were about. It's been so long since I've been in a theater that I haven't seen a preview for one of them. I guess that's what happens when you live on the road and crash places with no television. I tell ya though... I don't feel as though I was missing anything. These movies kept me half-assed entertained for a couple hours, but nothing stuck with me. There was no style or substance. I'll still give you the run down though, I watched 'em... so I might as well give ya a head's up to what it's all about.

 First flick I saw was the new Adam Sandler vehicle 'Just Go With It', I popped into my old theater and while waiting around one of the kids asked me if I wanted to see that one. It's about what you would expect from Adam Sandler. Tired jokes and absurd situations that you completely forget about once you leave the theater.

 Adam Sandler plays a schmuck named Danny. He has a huge honker and a slut for a girlfriend. His wedding day he overhears her talking about her sexcapades  and heads to the bar. Finds out his sob story can get him laid by hot women, keeps the ring and whores himself out for the next decade. During this time he's become a plastic surgeon and got his nose fixed. He meets this babe Palmer (Brooklyn Decker) and thinks he loves her, so he piles li upon lie upon lie... Gets himself a fake family and fake ex-wife, his secretary Jennifer Aniston, and heads off on a Hawaiian vacation with his new girl and fake family. Hijinks ensue and... you guessed it... he falls for Jennifer Aniston. Never saw it coming, did ya?

 It's filled with the same basic humor you come to expect from Sandler film. Nothing new here and leaves you wondering when this horse will die.

Verdict: * *

- Xtoph

Highlander Season 4 (1995)

Directors: Various

Writers: Various

Starring: Adrian Paul, Lisa Howard, Stan Kirsch, Jim Byrnes, Philip Akin & Peter Wingfield

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0103442/episodes#season-4

 We open up this season with Duncan (Adrian Paul) traveling back to his native Scotland to find out who's been robbing the family graves. We get some more background info on Joe Dawson (Jim Byrnes) in episode two. Learn how he lost his legs and how he became a watcher. Kenny (Myles Ferguson), the 800 year old immortal in the ten year old body, returns to stir up some shit. Duncan experiences a "dark quickening" and becomes evil. Joe gets put on trial by the watchers for letting the immortals know about him and befriending Duncan. This was a great cliffhanger for the next season, on Netflix they give the first episode of Season 5 (One Minute To Midnight) as the last episode for Season 4.

 This seasons guest appearances again weren't that high-profile. A lot of people that made there careers in television. It did however pick up in storyline. There were a few episodes that took the spotlight off of Duncan and onto some of the supporting cast. When you're in the middle of a six-season marathon, that's a good thing.

Verdict: * * * *

- Xtoph

Highlander Season 3 (1994)

Directors: Various

Writers: Various

Starring: Adrian Paul, Lisa Howard, Stan Kirsch, Jim Byrnes & Philip Akin

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0103442/episodes#season-3

 The Highlander marathon continues with Season 3. This season Duncan (Adrian Paul) finds a new love interest in Anne Lindsey (Lisa Howard) an ER Doctor. So she's around most of the season. Things start off light with one of Richie's old girlfriends show up claiming he's the father of her baby, and he's dumb enough to fall for it even though immortals can't have children. Also, episodes where Duncan has to babysit newly immortal 18 year olds or comes across an 800 year old in a ten year old body. Things get darker mid-season when Duncan starts having hallucinations and fighting demons that aren't there in "Shadows". By episode 14 we are introduced to Kalas (David Robb), a real bad dude that Duncan has a long-going feud with. Methos (Peter Wingfield), the oldest immortal, also shows up this round. Turns out he's been posing as a watcher. For the season finale, another two-parter, one of the watchers decides to copy all of the watcher files and take them to a news agency to expose all the immortals.

 This season was pretty good, as they all are, no complaints here. Not as many high-profile guest stars. Chandra West from Puppetmaster 3 & 4 was in an episode and so was Brion James form Blade Runner. A lot of good music was featured though. Jim Byrnes who plays Joe Dawson is a blues musician so we got some of his music. His character started a club called "Joe's Place" so more blues was featured in a few episodes.

Verdict: * * * *

- Xtoph

DC Showcase: Superman/Shazam!: The Return of Black Adam (2010)

Director: Joaquim Dos Santos

Writer: [Superman/Shazam!] Michael Jelenic, [The Spectre] Steve Niles, [Green Arrow] Greg Weisman and [Jonah Hex] Joe R. Lansdale

Starring: [Superman/Shazam!] Zach Callison, James Garner and Josh Keaton [The Spectre] Gary Cole, Alyssa Milano and Jeff Bennett [Green Arrow] Neal McDonough, Malcolm McDowell and Steve Blum [Jonah Hex] Thomas Jane, Linda Hamilton and Jason Marsden

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1701223/


 The feature on this is the Superman/Shazam! cartoon with running time under a half hour. Each of the bonus shows are just over ten minutes each. Pretty lame, they need to be given full treatments.

 "The Return of Black Adam" teams up Superman and Captain Marvel against Black Adam. What's cool is Captain Marvel and Black Adam are basically like Superman as far as strength and general powers, except that they are fueled by magic... which happens to be one of Supe's weaknesses just under Kryptonite. This is actually the origin story for Captain Marvel. He's just a ten year old kid who is pure of heart, so the wizard Shazam bestows the power of the Gods upon him. All he has to do is call the wizard's name and a lightning bolt strikes him and turns him into a bad-ass.

 "The Spectre" is definitly the coolest of the bunch. Written by Steve Niles (30 Days of Night) and has a kind of film noir feel to it. A lot darker than the feature. Definitely my pick of the bunch.

 "Green Arrow" was a let-down. The story felt rushed, just jumping right into an adventure. Seemed more of a showcase for his toys than an actual story. The voice actor was a total mismatch for Ollie. Malcolm McDowell was cool for the villain though. Brief appearance by the Black Canary, but still couldn't save this short.

 Finally we have "Jonah Hex". This one is of a darker nature as well. Joe Lansdale happens to be another of my favorite writers. Just a short episode of a Jonah Hex story. He's a lesser known character, but I guess since the live-action movie had just come out they didn't feel the need to go into origins.

 All in all this collection wasn't too shabby. I think another Superman or Captain Marvel short would have been fitting, but I'll probably go out and buy it just for Jonah Hex and The Spectre. Especially since Niles was involved. The direction was great. Animation was definitely top-notch.

Verdict: * * *

- Xtoph

a/k/a Tommy Chong (2006)

Director: Josh Gilbert

Writer: Josh Gilbert

Starring: Tommy Chong, Shelby Chong, Paris Chong, Cheech Marin, Lou Adler & Raven Blast

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0478090/

 As ridiculous as it sounds, back in 2003, Tommy Chong of the comedy duo Cheech & Chong was arrested and sentenced to nine months in federal prison for selling bongs on the internet. This documentary tells the story as well as about Tommy's life. With interviews with Tommy, his family, celebrities, politicians and more as well as news and television clips, clips from his films and his stand-up comedy.

 This is a pretty good little film. Entertaining, hell... when is Tommy Chong not entertaining? It also shows how "half-baked" our government can be. Fan of Tommy or not this is worth checking out.

 Stick around after the credits for a great bit where Cheech and Tommy both talk about the creation of one of their most famous bits, "Dave's Not Here".

Verdict: * * *

- Xtoph

Highlander Season 2 (1993)

Directors: Various

Writers: Various

Starring: Adrian Paul, Alexandra Vandernoot, Stan Kirsch, Jim Byrnes & Philip Akin

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0103442/episodes#season-2

 Season 2 brings us another 22 episodes beginning with "The Watchers", where we are introduced to Joe Dawson (Jim Byrnes) the watcher Duncan (Adrian Paul) becomes friends with and is a mainstay in the series. Later in the series Duncan has to take on a mortal serial killer that likes to kill immortals. Tessa (Alexandra Vandersnoot) & Richie (Stan Kirsch) get shot by a mugger. Duncan moves to a dojo after Tessa's death. Richie takes his first head and Duncan gives him the boot without so much as a handshake. Xavier St. Cloud (Roland Gift) returns and really fucks shit up for Duncan while teaming up with the renegade watcher, Horton (Peter Hudson). Towards the end of the season Richie returns to ask Duncan for help because another immortal is killing humans and framing him for the murders. Then for the two part season finale Horton comes back yet again, this time giving a convicted murderer plastic surgery to look like Tessa in his attempt to kill Duncan.

 This was a pretty wicked season. Had a few cool guest stars as well. Geraint Wyn Davies (of Forever Knight), Traci Lords & Sheena Easton all show up early in the season. Dustin Nguyen (of 21 Jump Street) returns playing a completely different character than he did in Season 1. Wtf? Rowdy Roddy Piper kicks some ass in episode 10, but still should have been used a lot more than they did... And Roland Gift (Fine Young Cannibals) reprises his role as Xavier St. Cloud, one of the greatest villains ever.

Verdict: * * * *

- Xtoph

Highlander Season 1 (1992)

Directors: Various

Writers: Various

Starring: Adrian Paul, Alexandra Vandernoot & Stan Kirsch

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0103442/episodes#season-1

 I haven't really been keeping up the reviews as of lat because I've been on a Highlander kick. Just finished season 1 yesterday and didn't plan on talking about it until I realized there are people that have no clue what "Highlander" is. I was talking to one of my friends and she has never even heard of it. Such a disappointment... Anyway, I figured what with prospect of a new movie in talk. Maybe I should go ahead and give a little run-down on it.

 Highlander the series, a spin-off from the feature film franchise, follows the immortal Duncan MacLeod (Adrian Paul) of the Clan MacLeod. (Not to be confused with Conner of the movies, as they say in the show "Same clan, different vintage".

 For those who don't know. The Highlander, in this case Duncan (In the movies Conner, the animated series Quentin and the anime Colin) is a legendary immortal from the Highlands of Scotland. Hence... Highlander. Being a highlander has nothing to do with being immortal. The immortals are a race that no one knows the true origins of. The basics are this: They don't die unless you cut off their heads. They live by the rule "There Can Be Only One". They all fight for the prize. To be the last immortal. When they cut off another's head they gain all of their knowledge and power (the quickening). They won't fight each other on holy ground. That is the basic rundown.

 So the series follows Duncan in modern times (the 90's) and has flashbacks to all kinds of different eras. The other two main characters are his girlfriend Tessa (Alexandra Vandernoot) and a kid he takes in, Richie Ryan (Stan Kirsch). There are all kinds of stuff going on it this series. The opening episode, "The Gathering" features both Duncan and Conner (Christopher Lambert). He takes on people that are not immortals as well... Episode 6 they are held hostage in a courtroom by a convicted killer (Andrew Divoff). Or in episode 8 where a mad scientist (Joe Pantoliano) kidnapping people from the emergency room to experiment on them.

 If you're a music fan like me, some of the guest stars include Joan Jett, Vanity, Roland Gift (Fine Young Cannibals) and Roger Daltry (The Who). Or if your a genre fan people like Andrew Divoff (The Wishmaster) and Marc Singer (Beastmaster). This season we are also introduced for the first time to Amanda (Elizabeth Gracen) who became a mainstay in the series and star of the spin-off Highlander: The Raven, and in the 22nd episode the secret society of watchers. A Great place to leave us hanging for season 2.

 So, obviously I'm a nerd for this series, but I think it stands the test of time. I love re-watching this show. It ran for six seasons, so I'll be dropping off a few more season run-downs. You can watch it on Netflix. I'm sure it's on syndication in televison somewhere as well...

Verdict: * * * *

- Xtoph

New issue of Darkfaery Subculture Magazine out now!!!

 The new issue of Darkfaery Subculture Magazine is out now with some reviews I wrote on the new releases of Social Distortion, Wanda Jackson and The Peculiar Pretzelmen.

- Xtoph

View the magazine online here:
http://issuu.com/darkfaerysubculture/docs/dfsm-february-2011?viewMode=magazine


Buy it here: http://www.magcloud.com/browse/Issue/158083

Buried (2010)

Director: Rodrigo Cortés

Writer: Chris Sparling

Starring: Ryan Reynolds, José Luis García Pérez and Robert Paterson

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1462758/

 Paul Conroy (Ryan Reynolds) is an American civilian truck driver in Iraq delivering supplies. His convoy gets attacked and he wakes up in a coffin buried alive. This is the premise of the film.

 This movie was pretty amazing. I wanted to see this when it came out, but I have not been able to until now. It never came to the theater in Oklahoma. Say what you want, but I've been a fan of Ryan Reynolds a long time. In spite of Van Wilder, that boy can act. I love the whole idea of this film, the low budget and not having any locations. When I told my buddies about 'Buried', their reply was, "Oh, so it's like 'Phone Booth'". After watching it... no... it's nothing like Phone Booth. 'Buried' is much more claustrophobic and terrifying.

 This film, 90 minutes in length, never leaves this coffin. Paul is trapped with nothing but a cell phone and a lighter. Trying to contact his the U.S. Government, the company he works for, his wife. Anything to help him get out. This film starts off slow but the intensity levels rise to extremes and leave you at the edge of you're seat waiting to find out what's going to happen. This seemed real. Ryan Reynolds portrayed it how I would imagine it if I were in the box.

 The only problems I really have are these: 1. They used Ryan Reynolds. I mean, he's good. Damn good in this film, but it's still a recognizable face, which makes it a little difficult to totally lose myself in the film. 2. The rental DVD has absolutely no features whatsoever. Not even a little 5 minute featurette or a commentary track. Nothing. Pretty fucking lame.

Verdict: * * * *

- Xtoph

A taste of what's to come...

I'm working up my reviews for the latest issue of Darkfaery Subculture Magazine and I thought I give a taste of what's coming for it... Hope you enjoy...

- Xtoph

Social Distortion - Hard Times And Nursery Rhymes by Epitaph Records

The Dungeonmaster (1984)

a.k.a. Ragewar

Directed by: Dave Allen, Charles Band, John Carl Buechler, Steven Ford, Peter Manoogian, Ted Nicolaou and Roasemarie Turko

Written by: Charles Band, Allen Actor, Rosemarie Turko, John Carl Buechler, Dave Allen, Jeffrey Byron, Peter Manoogian and Ted Nicolaou

Starring: Jeffrey Byron, Richard Moll and Leslie Wing

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0089060/


 Paul Bradford (Jeffrey Byron) is your every day run-of-the-mill computer nerd with a super computer that speaks to him. (Only in the 80's, right?) He's in love with his girlfriend (Leslie Wing) and wants to get married. Mestema (Richard Moll) is a very bored centuries old wizard looking for a good fight. He kidnaps Paul's girlfriend and challenges him to a battle of magic. Paul must complete 7 tasks to win back his woman.

 You gotta love the low-budget 80's flicks. Seven battles, means seven writers and directors each doing their own part to the anthology. What we have is something reminiscent of Sinbad's seventh voyage and Beastmaster in the modern world, pitting science vs. the occult. Only, Paul's just not as bad-ass as Sinbad or as likable as Dar. The directing ain't that great, and you can tell it's been pieced together. What I do love is Richard Moll. He is always the perfect cartoon villain. When I was a kid I couldn't look at him and not see Bull from Night Court, but he really pulls these roles off well. If you go in not expecting much but wanting to have a good time and a laugh then check this out. And if everything I mentioned wasn't enough...  Charles Band's segment "Heavy Metal" puts Paul up against none other than Blackie Lawless and W.A.S.P.!!!

Verdict: * * *

- Xtoph

You're Gonna Miss Me (2005) DVD

Director: Keven McAlester

Starring: Byron Coley, 13th Floor Elevators and Evelyn Erickson

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0791268/

 You're Gonna Miss Me is about one of the unsung heroes of Rock'n'Roll, Roky Erickson. The most amazing voice of our time. This man was a founding member of the first psychedelic rock band, The 13th Floor Elevators, and did a lot of early punk and horror-rock influencing... everyone. This film is about him and his struggles. Drug abuse, schizophrenia and poor health. It shows how he has risen above all this to keep bringing us this amazing music to this day.

 This is on the Netflix "Watch Instantly", but I suggest buying or renting the DVD so you can check out all of the awesome bonus features. There is a ton of live footage there too!

Verdict: * * * * *

- Xtoph

Wicked Little Things (2006) DVD

Director: J.S. Cardone

Starring: Lori Heuring, Scout Taylor-Compton and Chloe Moretz

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0470000/

 Wicked Little Things is about a recently widowed woman and her two daughters. She was left kind of broke with only an old home inherited from her husbands family. The home is on land next to an old mine where a bunch of children died. Needless to say the ghosts of the dead children are not happy with the hand they've been delt. Not the most original of the bunch, but still well written and filmed. I enjoyed this one.

 This was originally in the After Dark line... One of the cool things about it is that it gives us an early look at two awesome talents in the genre Scout Taylor-Compton (Rob Zombie's Halloweens) and Chloe Moretz (Let Me In & Kick-Ass). Currently it's in the Netflix "Watch Instantly" so stop by and check it out!

Verdict: * * *

- Xtoph

Wolverine Classic Vol. 1 - TPB - Angled Doors Review

 This collects the first five issues of Wolverine's own series. Written by Chris Claremont and illustrated by John Buscema, whose artwork fits the gritty style that should grace any Wolverine tale. This takes place in Japan, everyone thinks Wolverine is dead and he's going by the name "Patch". Jessica Drew (Spider-woman) comes to town with the Black Blade, a evil sword that has the power to possess. Silver Samurai shows up to take the sword and Logan is there when it all goes down, ends p getting the sword and getting possessed by it.

- Xtoph