Cirque Du Freak: The Vampire's Assistant (2009)

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0450405/

Director: Paul Weitz

Starring: John C. Reilly, Chris Massoglia & Josh Hutcherson

 Alright... this one is pretty good. Kind of like Buffy The Vampire Slayer for a slightly younger set. Meet Darren, a mama's boy that always does what he's told who has a hard-on for spiders. Then meet Steve, his best friend and polar opposite. Circus sideshow comes through town and the boys sneak out to go watch. There they meet a vampire that Steve recognizes from his vampire book. Steve tries to get him to turn him, but gets refuses. Darren steals his spider. Blah, blah, blah, stuff happens, Darren gets made into the vampire's assistant & Steve gets recruited by his enemies the Vampinese. Darren goes on the road with the circus sideshow and learns how to become a "good" vamp, while Steve gets to be bad. Titans clash, epic battle happens and sets the stage for many sequels to come.

 That's the gist of it. Based off of some kid's books that I have not read. This movie was a blast though. Much better than wasting your cash on the latest Saw. It takes you back to being a kid, when Halloween was cool and anything dark made you happy. Not really much else to say. Can't wait for the next in the franchise.

Verdict: * * * *

- Al B. Damned

The Stepfather (2009)

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0814335/

Director: Nelson McCormick

Starring: Dylan Walsh, Sela Ward, Penn Badgley & Amber Heard

 Well here it is... another crappy remake of another not so great 80's horror flick. In this one a dude rolls into town starts hitting on some single mom's trying to piece together the perfect family from someone else's leftovers. He picks up a chick and has her wrapped around his finger in no time. Older son comes home from military school and things don't go as well... Stepdaddy flips his shit and the fun never really begins...

 It's boring and predictable, even if you have not seen the original or it's sequels. PG-13. No blood, no flesh, no script worth a damn... but at least is was still more entertaining than sorority row.

 Really... save this one for late night cable when it's free and you can't sleep... it should help...

Verdict: * *

- Al B. Damned

Zombieland (2009)

Zombieland (2009)

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1156398/

Director: Ruben Fleischer

Starring: Jesse Eisenberg, Woody Harrelson, Emma Stone & Abigail Breslin


 So, the world has been overrun by zombies. The same old story we've heard a thousand times over. One of the pluses of this film is they decided to skip past how it happened and jump right into the thick of it. It begins with Columbus (Jesse Eisenberg) fighting off some zombies in small town Texas while stating his basic rules of survival that he has mapped out. He hits the road hoping to go back home and find his family. Along the way he runs into a hero after my own heart, Tallahassee (Woody Harrelson) in the best role he's played since Mickey in Natural Born Killers. The two team up and do some road trip zombie killin' in search of other survivors and twinkies. They run into a couple girls who fuck them over the way that women do time and time again.

 This film is awesome. It gives you some good zombie blood and guts, lots of head smashes, full on comedic assault, all the action you need and the best damn cameo ever by Bill Murray. The only thing it lacked was a little more of the horror. Needed just a touch more suspense and thrills and it would have been a 5 * film. Out of all the films this Halloween season this seems the best to blow your bucks on. Hits theaters nationwide October 2nd. Mark your calenders, this is actually worth crawling out of your hole to go see.

Verdict: * * * * 1/2

- Al B. Damned

Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince (2009)

Director: David Yates

Starring: Daniel Radcliffe, Emma Watson, Helena Bonham Carter & Alan Rickman

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0417741/

 Another Harry Potter movie. This is his 6th year at Hogwarts. As usual the school year starts out with some shit going down and hte headmaster pulls him in and fills his head with some shit about him being the chosen one.

 Once at school he finds a book once owned by the mysterious "Half Blood Prince" filled in with lots of hand-written notes that make Harry into the little bad-ass. Shit happens, evil comes, someone dies, etc, etc.

 All in all, it's a fun movie. The whole series is great, don't get me wrong. It just seems that after so much time you would hope for a twist somewhere... instead we get everything we expect. Which is nice... but I want more. You know what to expect and that kind of takes away from the fun of the movie. I hope for some big changes in the series future.

Final Verdict: * * * 1/2

- Al B. Damned

The Wizard Of Gore (2007) DVD

Director: Jeremy Kasten
Starring: Crispen Glover, Brad Dourif, Jeffrey Combs & The Suicide Girls
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0765487/

 Well shit... another re-make. But still with the names attached you expect a little more. Montague The Magnificent (Played by Crispen Glover) is a "Magician" killing people on stage and then after the "illusion" is over everyone witnesses them get up and leave the club all fine and dandy. Only to be found dead later exactly like they were killed on stage.

 Crispen Glover was not as awesome as I had hoped. He can be so creepy when he wants. He shows up on stage as a bad televangelist type. Jeffrey Combs is unrecognizable. Every scene with Brad Dourif is awesome. He just kicks so much ass you can't turn away.

 But still all the kick-ass actors and the awesome amounts of nudity don't really help. The movie is kinda cool and has it's moments but will never compare to the artistry of the H.G Lewis original.

 Plus side though it has a shit-ton of special features. Commentary with the director, writer producer and ass. editor. A Making of featurette, Effects featurette, Suicide Girls featurette, deleted scenes, outtakes and more.

Final Verdict ( * * * )

- Al B. Damned

Drag Me To Hell (2009)

Director: Sam Raimi
Starring: Alison Lohman & Justin Long
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1127180/

 Damn... this movie was bad-ass! I was tempted to give it five stars, just because I fucking worship Sam Raimi, but then I had to back off and be realistic about it. It's awesome, but not perfect.

 Alison Lohman plays Christine Brown, a loan officer at a bank. She's up for a new promotion against some cock-sucking douchebag and het boss is pushing her to be tougher. Old gypsy lady comes in and Christine turns her down on a loan extension so she will lose her house. Gypsy freaks the fuck out, Christine calls security... the rest is history.

 Gypsy meets her in the parking lot and fucks her shit up. Some sick scenes... fucking toothless bag lady slobbing all over her. Nasty! Then she puts a curse on her. Christine then gets stalked and terrorized by a demon called a Lamia.

 Quite a few entertaining twists in this film. Sam gives us the goods in spite of the PG-13 rating. His camera work is always awesome and he totally assaults your auditory senses in this film. It gives you the terror, the sickness and the comedy that you expect from him still finds it's way in. Don't miss this one!

Verdict: * * * *

- Al B. Damned

BOOK REVIEW: If Chins Could Kill by Bruce Campbell

If Chins Could Kill: Confessions Of A B Movie Actor
Author: Bruce Campbell


 When I first picked up this book, I wasn't too sure what to think. I'm not one to follow the herd and I don't really care to know all about someone's personal life. I don't give a flip about who's fucking who and who snorted what up their nose. Thank god this wasn't one of those...

 This book starts off with a little about Bruce's childhood, then gets into his teens and talks about all the old super 8 movies him and his friends made. There are quite a few chapters on The Evil Dead, but not just the filming of it. He covers a lot of the process from the casting, filming post-production and more.

 There are also quite a few chapters on his work on other "B" movies and his work on television. This paperback re-release also contains added material written after his "Chins Across America" book signing tour.

 This thing is packed with photos and also includes interview snippets from his pals like Sam Raimi. Couldn't put this thing down once I got started. Definitely check this out!

Verdict: * * * *

- Al B. Damned

X-Men Origins: Wolverine (2009)

Director: Gavin Hood
Starring: Hugh Jackman, Liev Schreiber & Ryan Reynolds
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0458525/

 For those not in the know, this is a prequel of the X-Men trilogy that tells the story of Wolverine. It spends some a little on his past and how he's been alive for a very very long time, but spends most of the time telling his involvement with the Weapon X project. This is how he got the adamantium welded to his bones.

 I don't want to give too much away. I know this is a movie everyone has been looking forward to. It's definitely worth your $10. Liev Schreiber makes a great Sabretooth, unlike Tyler Mane who played him in the first movie. It tells a lot, but leaves you wishing it had more. Leaves room for a sequel obviously.

 My only real problem with the film is there was not enough Deadpool. C'mon!!! We want the merc with the mouth!!! Ryan Reynolds was great to pla him, but he only had like 3 speaking lines!!! What the fuck were they thinking??? When they finally gave him the powers his mouth was wired shut. Dumb.

 All in all though, you will not be let down. Go ahead and spend you dough. Oh, and as with most Marvel movies, make sure you stick around after the credits roll.

Verdict: * * * *

- Al B. Damned

Pride And Glory - DVD (2008)

Director: Gavin O'Conner
Starring: Colin Farrel, Edward Norton & Jon Voight
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0482572/
Buy It On Amazon!

 A story about a family of cops. Norton ends up investigating a scandal to find out his brother-in-law is involved.

 We had the trailer for this at my theater, but for whatever reason never ran the film. SO when I saw it up for rent I had to snag it. Jon Voight is as amazing as always. Seeing two great actors like him and Edward Norton together was pretty cool. As for the film itself, it's your basic cop-drama. They don't really bring anything new to the table, but if you like that kind of film you will like this one, it's done well.

Verdict: * * *

- Al B. Damned

Obsessed (2009)

Director: Steve Shill
Starring: Idris Elba, Beyonce Knowles & Ali Larter
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1198138/

 Married man Derek gets a new temp at work. She crushes on him a little too much and decides to become a full fledged stalker.

 Being billed around work as "Fatal Attraction 2" this one here falls way short of ANY film of that kind. Makes no sense why she is so psycho. He never even boned her. The film is way too long, clocking in at almost 2 hours with nothing to show for it. Everyone cheers for Beyonce as she does her pissed off black woman act, but when it comes down to it she drops the ball and pusses out in the climax. The movie is pretty weak and should have been straight to DVD, if it should have been made at all.

Verdict: *

- Al B. Damned

The Soloist (2009)

Director: Joe Wright
Starring: Robert Downey Jr. & Jamie Foxx
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0821642/

 Robert Downey Jr. is a writer for the Los Angeles Times. While searching for a story he meets a homeless schizophrenic musician played by Jamie Foxx. Over the course of the film he becomes his friend as he writes about him and tries to help him.

 The movie is decent, but somehow I expected more. I like the story and the music and at times it is moving. There were too many parts I found myself drifting away though. It couldn't keep me glued throughout the film. If you're looking for a touching drama this week, this will be the film to see.

Verdict: ***

- Al B. Damned

Earth (2007)

Director: Alestair Fothergill & Mark Linfield
Starring: James Earl Jones
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0393597/

 Documentary made by Disney being re-released today to celebrate Earth Day.

 Fun documentary with James Earl Jones doing the narration. Beautifully shot. Interesting and fun enough I don't think the kids will get too bored with the hour and forty minute run time. Besides... it's Earth Day. Go check it out.

Verdict: * * *

- Al B. Damned

17 Again (2009)

Director: Burr Steers
Starring: Zac Efron, Leslie Mann, Matthew Perry, Thomas Lennon & Michelle Trachtenberg
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0974661/

 This guy decides his life is lame and wants to do it over, he wakes up and is 17 again, the age he was when he felt he was on top of the world.

 This is the kind of lame plot you see done again and again every few years. You would expect this to be a made for teevee movie on the family channel or something. I was actually surprised and half-ass enjoyed part of it.

 Mike O'Donnell wakes up 17 again, but it is now not 1989. He becomes friends with his son and is still trying to hit on his wife. His son finds it weird his friends crushing on his mom. His daughter. Michelle Trachtenberg, ends up trying to get with him... and it turns out she's a freak! Pretty funny stuff. Thomas Lennon plays Mike's best friend and is damned hilarious as the geek in school that became rich. Still maybe not worth the cash to shell out for theaters, but definitely worth a see.

Verdict: * * *

- Al B. Damned

Crank: High Voltage (2009)

Director: Mark Neveldine & Brian Taylor
Starring: Jason Statham, Amy Smart, David Carradine & Dwight Yoakum
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1121931/

 Chev Chelios is back. Taking place about 3 months? after the first film we catch up to him as he is falling from a helicopter. Then someone steals his heart. He then sets out to get it back.

 Quite absurd and unbelievable, but entertaining as all hell. This takes everything up a notch from the first Crank film. More sex, more violence, more everything. Cameos galore, so keep your eyes open. I'm going to have to see it a second time to try and spot everyone. It's everything you expect. Not as good as the first, but definitely more over the top. So it's still worth your hard earned cash.

Verdict: * * *

- Al B. Damned

Hannah Montana: The Movie (2009)

Director: Peter Chelsom
Starring: Miley Cyrus, Billy Ray Cyrus & Emily Osment
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1114677/

 Based on the tv series, Miley Cyrus plays Miley Stewart who is secretly pop-star Hannah Montana. She keeps it a secret because she wants "the best of both worlds", to be a super-star and a normal girl. In the film she let's "Hannah" go to her head and becomes a real bitch. So daddy decides to put her career on hold and take her back to her down home country roots.

 If your a fan of the show you'll dig it. It's got some funy scenes. Her acting like a nut and getting in a fight with has-been Tyra Banks. Other than the the movie sucked. More Taylor Swift... if you've read my blogs you know I hate her, and when she goes back home and her family has a country jam it's fucking Rascall Flats!!! WTF!!! On her show her Aunt was Aunt Dolly. Dolly fucking Parton!!! That's what I had hoped to see, but she was nowhere to be found. Apparently they wrote her out of the script. A real disappointment.

Verdict: * *

- Al B. Damned

Observe And Report (2009)

Director: Jody Hill
Starring: Seth Rogen, Ray Liotta & Anna Faris
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1197628/

 Seth Rogen is a Mall-Cop whose mall is being terrorized by a flasher. He takes it upon himself to save the girl and the mall. Sounds like another "Mall-Cop" from the trailer and looks to be a bit funnier.

 Turns out it's much better. This movie was freakin' awesome. It is similar to "Mall-Cop" in some ways, but far superior. It takes the comedy that extra step. Turns out Seth's character is bipolar and gun-happy. The directorial style is amazing. Similar to some of the films from the late 70's early 80's that I'm fond of. I was told this was going to be like a comedic version of "Taxi Driver" by Martin Scorsese. It actually is. Seth delivers some lines that will totally make you think of Travis. Definitely run to the theater and watch this now. You don't want to miss out on this one.

Verdict: * * * *

-Al B. Damned

Dragonball Evolution (2009)

Director: James Wong
Starring: Justin Chatwin, Yun-Fat Chow, Emmy Rossum & James Marsters
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1098327/

 A boy, Goku, turns 18 and must set out to find the 7 dragonballs to stop evil Lord Piccolo. Based on the cartoon series.

 I remember watching the Dragonball cartoon in the mid-90's I think... I dug it. It's been a while and my memory was rusty, but this seems pretty cool. More or less has the same idea going on. It's got a lot of fun action sequences. James Marsters totally surprised me as Piccolo. Hated the chick playing Bulma though. Worth checking out, I'd wait for the video.

Verdict: * * *

- Al B. Damned

Adventureland (2009)

Director: Greg Mottola
Starring: Jesse Eisenberg, Kristen Stewart & Ryan Reynolds
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1091722/

 1987. A Young graduate is getting ready to take his summer abroad to go get some foreign pussy, because he's too much of a nerd to get it at home and foreigners apparently put out. I mean... they must or every single movie would not revolve around guys going abroad to get laid. Right? Anyway, dad loses his job and can't help pay for the trip, so instead he has to stay home and get a job at a crappy amusement park.

 The trailer led me to believe this would be a total laugh riot. It's not, but I think I liked it as much. It's got plenty of laughs, but it's part comedy part coming of age drama. Kristen Stewart, doing much better here than in Twilight, is getting it on with the creepy old married guy that plays guitar (Ryan Reynolds, Yay!) She meets James (Jesse Eisenberg) and they become friends and then more.

 This is a pretty good one. A lot of great music that really takes you back. It's got the laughs, the love, all the elements of a good film. Go check it out!

Verdict: * * *

- Al B. Damned

Fast & Furious (2009)

Director: Justin Lin
Starring: Vin Diesel, Paul Walker, Jordanna Brewster & Michelle Rodriguez
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1013752/

 Fast cars and such... really... that's the plot.

 The original cast is back for the 4th installment of th franchise... really? Why not just say The Fast & The Furious 4? C'mon... 2 Fast 2 Furious, The Fast & The Furious... now just Fast & Furious. Pretty fucking lame. It's getting ridiculous, why is everyone afraid to call a sequel a sequel?

 Anyway this one gets more absurd than the others... the original cast is back, One of them dies. Vin Diesel goes home and proves to everyone he's turned into some kind of superhuman. Catching car engines with a single hand, dodging bullets, etc. Wait... he got hit with a bullet once... didn't even flinch. Seriously? Lame.

 At least this time around it had a few American muscle cars in it instead of these Tokyo drifters. I just don't see the appeal of these films. If you wanna see a bunch of pretty boys flying around in some silly looking cars then this is for you. Otherwise steer clear and go get some Bullit or Smokey & The Bandit for some real car chases.

Verdict: * *

- Al B. Damned

Race To Witch Mountain (2009)

Director: Andy Fickman
Starring: Dwayne Johnson, AnnaSophia Robb, Alexander Ludwig & Carla Gugino
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1075417/

 The Rock is a cabbie in Las Vegas and in the middle of a sci-fi convention some alien kids crash land near sin city and enlist his aid to get back to their ship.

 I don't really remember much of the originals, so I can't say how much this re-make holds true to them, but this was a fun family friendly kind of film. Lots of action and laughs. Worth checking out.

Verdict: * * *

- Al B. Damned