Friday, April 5, 2013

Evil Dead (2013)

Director: Fede Alvarez

Writer: Fede Alvarez, Diablo Cody

Starring: Jane Levy, Shiloh Fernandez, Jessica Lucas, Lou Taylor Pucci, Elizabeth Blackmore

 Alright, a re-make of the classic Evil Dead. Everyone knows I pretty much worship at the church of Raimi. So, obviously, this re-make was going to bring me out of hiding to do a new review. I actually was dreading this re-make until I read a couple reviews from the early pre-screenings and checked out some video blogs and everything people said made it seem hopeful. So I started to think, maybe this was going to be worth seeing. They must have been paid off. It was awful.

 I know people are still going to want to see this for themselves, so I don't want to give away too much. So I'll just give a basic run-down. It starts out with something different. Not what you're expecting from watching the original. Which quickly turns to cheese and makes it difficult not to laugh. After that, it's still the basic story of 5 kids going to a cabin in the woods and getting fucked off by demons. A few changes here and there. Names, slight plot variations. We do have some familiar themes in music and sound, but it just wasn't enough. You're led to believe it's going to be brutal, but instead it comes off pretty tame. (Note: adding things like a nail gun and some extra gore does not make a film "brutal". For real brutality you have to bring it home in the script.)

 We had a good time. A small screening party with some good food and a few friends. If it hadn't been for that and I had paid to go see it I would have felt ripped off. In spite of everything I left the theater feeling slightly disappointed.

Verdict: * *

- Xtoph

Sunday, March 3, 2013

Hello Again...

 It's been two years since I've posted. I won't go into the details, but I just lost the love for it because of the actions of another reviewer I added on to this. I never quite said goodbye to it all. Random posts to the facebook account here and there. I always planned on picking it up again... and I will. I don't know if I will do the main blog anymore, because I just can't keep up on all of the releases like we used too. I definitely can't do that alone, but I don't want to do this with anyone else right now. I do have an off-shoot I'm planning. So keep checking back with us here or on my new website and when things are ready I will announce it. It will be something a little less frequent that I can handle solo along with all the other things I've got going on. Hope to see you then.

- Christophe

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Red Riding Hood (2011)

Director: Catherine Hardwicke

Writer: David Johnson

Starring: Amanda Seyfried, Lukas Haas, Gary Oldman

 The only reason I watched this was because it was the only movie starting at the time I was chillin' at the theater looking for something to do. I wasn't looking forward to anything touted as being made by the same people that made 'Twilight'.

 This is supposed to be the "real" story of where the fable of Red Riding Hood came from... not likely. A werewolf tale for the teeny-bopper set. The only real thing this has going for it is Gary Oldman and Virginia Madsen. Hokey story and CGI werewolf. It was hard to be impressed...

 Now, it wasn't all bad... I mean... if you compare it to Twilight it's definitely a superior film. ha ha ha. Fuck it.

Verdict: * *

- Xtoph

Battle: Los Angeles (2011)

Director: Jonathan Liebesman

Writer: Christopher Bertolini

Starring: Aaron Eckhart, Michelle Rodriguez, Bridget Moynahan

 Another fucking alien invasion movie... really? If you're going to do, at least try to do it right... there were so many bad-ass ones in the 80's. The 90's were even alright... yes... even Will Smith. But this dreck they've been shoveling down out throats? Not even entertaining.

 We open up in the middle of battle, L.A. is a warzone, then it cuts 24 hours or so earlier. Let's us get to know our little group of marines and how they got together. Lets us know enough of their personal lives so we care about them. Halfway through the movie we finally get to see some lame aliens and space-ships. Nothing great.

 Worst part of the film... it's not even single camera self-shot like 'Cloverfield' or anything. It's pro-shot like a real movie is supposed to be, complete with "moving" cinematic score. Worst part is... the goddamn thing is shakier than the  'Blair Witch Project', seriously... no wonder the pregnant chick puked and left early... When you have a budget this big, invest in a steady-cam so we can see what the hell is going on guys. Oh... and is anyone else sick of Michelle Rodriguez? I mean seriously... she's not that hot and does anyone actually buy her as a tough-as-nails bad-ass chick like she always, always, always portrays?

Verdict: *

- Xtoph

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