2012 ( 2009 )

Starring John Cusack, Amanda Peet, Chiwetel Eliofor, Thandie Newton, Woody Harrelson, & Oliver Platt

Directed By Roland Emmerich

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1190080/


Near the beginning of the drawn-out finale of "2012," one of the countless doomed victims of global catastrophe turns to our hero, Jackson Curtis (John Cusack), and says, "You're a lucky man, Jackson." Truer words were never spoken.

The seemingly hapless Curtis manages to dodge nearly every form of disaster-movie death known to Hollywood -- fire, flood, falling, volcanic eruption, spewed sewage -- but he does so through no apparent skill of his own.

He also manages to make his way from Los Angeles to the climactic events in the Himalayan Mountains through a series of absurdly far-fetched chance encounters (Hey, look! A gigantic Russian cargo jet! How handy!) But that's not all: The cataclysm that kills nearly everyone on Earth doesn't merely spare Jackson Curtis, it allows him to prosper.

After all, there's nothing like the fruition of apocalyptic Mayan soothsaying to bring a divorced dad back in the familial fold. The optimistic credo that Curtis, a failed writer, espouses in his science fiction novel turns out to be true as well, so his career ends up primed for a boost.

Of course, "2012," like all the disaster movies it draws from and seeks to one-up, spits in the face of such observations. Too many unexplained coincidences? Dialogue so purple it would make Prince blush? One-dimensional characters? Soulless scenes of mass carnage interspersed with cloying, manipulative dialogue or rapid-fire exposition? Shopworn supporting roles such as Woody Harrelson's wacky conspiratorial radio host and Danny Glover's noble president? Well, what did you expect? It's a disaster movie.

True enough, and part of the appeal is the way director Roland Emmerich, no stranger to the genre ("Independence Day," "The Day After Tomorrow"),  faithfully fulfills expectations.

It seems, as per ancient Mesoamerican prediction, that the Earth is doomed in the year 2012, thanks to huge solar flares heating the planet's core, leading eventually to free-floating tectonic plates. And that's never a good thing. Politicians (including oily cynic Oliver Platt) and scientists (especially heroic and principled Chiwetel Ejiofor) secretly race to deal with the impending badness, while Cusack, on a camping trip with his two kids, stumbles -- there's that luck again -- onto the truth. He gathers up his ex-wife (Amanda Peet) and her new husband (Tom McCarthy)  and the five of them manage to get out of Los Angeles just before California slides into the sea.

That sequence, which has formed the basis for much of the film's marketing, is the most impressive, mostly because it's the last time the destruction occurs on anything close to a human scale.

For years now, disaster movie auteurs have been upping the ante of destruction. In the 1970s, it was sufficient for several hundred souls to perish in "The Poseidon Adventure," but thanks to Emmerich and his ilk, nothing less than extinction-level events will do the trick these days.

Unfortunately, wrestling with the concept of humanity as an endangered species is more gripping than trying to depict it onscreen. No matter how many aircraft carriers get swept onto the White House, no matter how many mega-volcanoes burst forth from Yellowstone Park, no matter how many ancient basilica domes collapse onto worshipping masses, none of them are as satisfying as a limousine careening under and through collapsing skyscrapers.

Although "2012" is what they call "critic-proof," it's not immune to analysis. It depicts a world where no one, man or God, has much say in what happens to the planet, and where the survival of one family outweighs the deaths of billions. What does that say about us? Audiences who pay money to see "2012" and come away disappointed in its refusal to address such ideas should keep in mind the movie's tagline: We were warned.

Overall Rating ( * * )

Mr. What?