The Last House On The Left (2009)

Director: Dennis Iliadis
Starring: Tony Goldwyn, Sara Paxton, Monica Potter & Garret Dillahunt
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0844708/

 Well shit... it's another re-make. A group of convicts kidnap some girls and kill them, then parents take revenge. You would think this would be more fun than it really was...

 The original from '72 was much more brutal. Don't get me wrong... there are some nice effects shots in here. In a way I guess they thought they were being brutal by showing us some of this... But they FAILED! The original spent much more time getting in your head showing the torture of the girls. The parents finding out and planning thier revenge and systematically taking out the cons. But in this new version that all goes out the window. Time slowly ticks by and nothing happens... when it finally does it's over so quick you barely noticed. The girl gets shot and left for dead only to survive. Lame. Parents find out and freak out. Killing them without torture. No real revenge, more like survival. Pretty weak. The only pay-off comes in the last 30 seconds of the film.

 I'll be the first to admit that the original is dated and I can see why they would want an update. But when you take away the psychosis and terror of the film and trade it for a couple squeamish gore shots then you're cheating us as movie-goers. Not to mention none of the gore in this film can compare to even the idea of the penis chomping scene in the '72 version. If I'd paid for this film I would have wanted my money back. Not worth seeing.

Verdict: *

- Al B. Damned