12 Rounds (2009)

Director: Renny Harlin
Starring: John Cena, Aidan Gillen & Ashley Scott
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1160368/

John Cena gets his girlfriend kidnapped by a criminal he busted in the past and has to complete 12 rounds of the cons "game" to get her back.

This is your basic action flick. It's a lot of fun and it doesn't try to slow down. I think John Cena is pretty good and seems like he may actually be able to convey some emotion and "act", unlike a lot of the other wrestlers turned actors, so it sucks that they don't use that in the films. If your looking for a fast paced action flick though this is the way to go.

Verdict: * * *

- Al B. Damned

Watchmen: Tales Of The Black Freighter - DVD (2009)

Director: Mike Smith & Daniel DelPurgatorio
Starring: Gerard Butler
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1295071/

 "Tales of the Black Freighter" is the comic book within the comic of Watchmen. In a world where superheroes do exist, pirate comics become the norm. This is that comic brought to life. "Under The Hood" is the autobiography of the original Nite Owl, Hollis Mason, this is his story.

 "Tales of the Black Freighter" ended up being really good. My favorite out of all the Watchmen crap flooding the market. It's just an animated short, about a half hour long. Looks different than the comic, but came off amazing. I was glued to my set.

 "Under The Hood" was done as an old news magazine style show form the period. Interviews and clips with the different characters from the film. It was alright... not as awesome as I had hoped for, but a good companion piece to the movie.

 Also included a short doc on the two shorts and how they fit into the world of Watchmen. Everything together is about the same length as a film... but way too overpriced for something that should have been included as extras when the actual movie comes to DVD.

Verdict: * * *

- Al B. Damned

Dead Like Me: Life After Death - DVD (2009)

Director: Stephen Herek
Starring: Ellen Muth, Callum Blue, Sarah Wynter & Jasmine Guy
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1079444/

 Continuing the canceled television series we pick up with Der Waffle House burning down and Rube is gone for some new douche to play the boss. Weird shit happens and the disfunctionality of the group increases. George also reveals to her sister who she really is.

 Pretty good if you're a fan of the series. If not it's only so-so. The beginning does fill in those not in the know like the beginning of the show did. What sucks most is Laura Harris is replaced by Sarah Wynter as Daisy Adair. The new girl is just ugly and annoying.

 It's got some commentary included with the director and Ellen Muth. Plus a featurette on resurrecting the show.

Verdict: * * * *

- Al B. Damned

Punisher: War Zone (Two Disc Special Edition) DVD (2008)

Director: Lexi Alexander
Starring: Ray Stevenson, Dominic West & Doug Hutchison
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0450314/

 This was my favorite theatrical release for last year, if you missed it on the big screen now is your chance to own it. The Punisher from the 80's was ok, and the one from '04 sucked balls. This one makes up for that. There ain't no pussies like Thomas Jane in sight. This time we got the real deal, Ray Stevenson, who happens to look just like Frank Castle in the more recent comics. This movie really brought the comics to life. Beautifully done, it reminded me of the comics growing up as well as the new ones by Garth Ennis. West was amazing as Jigsaw. Seriously... this movie was amazing. If you are a fan of the Punisher you have to get this.

 Special features on this one include a commentary track with the director and the director of photography. Several featurettes on the making of, training, the weapons of and more. The second disc was kind of pointless. It's just there so you can get a digital copy of the movie. I don't understand having a disc, but still having to get online to be able to get it. Should just be either with the disc or online, not both. Lame.

Verdict: * * * * *

- Al B. Damned

My Name Is Bruce (2007) DVD

Director: Bruce Campbell
Starring: Bruce Campbell, Ted Raimi, Grace Thorsen, Ellen Sandweiss & Dan Hicks
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0489235/

 Bruce Campbell plays Bruce Campbell, the has-been B-movie actor that we all know and love. Kids in a small back woods town release an ancient evil and call on Bruce to help.

 This movie was great. Only Bruce could pull off a story like this one. It's not perfect, but it was damned hilarious. Definitely worth seeing... again and again. DVD comes with a comic book. Bonus features include commentary by Bruce, documentary "Hearts Of Dorkness", a few featurettes and trailers for My Name Is Bruce as well as the film within the film Cavealien 2.

Verdict: * * * *

- Al B. Damned

The Haunting In Connecticut (2009)

Director: Peter Cornwell
Starring: Virginia Madsen, Kyle Gallner, Elias Koteas & Martin Donovan
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0492044/

 A family moves into a new home only find out it's haunted...

 Man... that's the first time I've ever heard that as the synopsis for a film... This one claims to be true... I didn't even bother to look it up to see if it was or not. I've seen two dozen films that claimed to be true or based on real life events that didn't have an ounce of truth in them. All the scares are your basic run of the mill something jumps out at you or walks behind someone kind of thrills. Kind of boring and left me wanting more. If you see it, wait for it to come to DVD.

Verdict: * *

- Al B. Damned

Monsters Vs. Aliens - 3D (2009)

Director: Rob Letterman & Conrad Vernon
Starring: Reese Witherspoon, Seth Rogen, Hugh Laurie, Will Arnet & Kiefer Sutherland
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0892782/

 A Meteorite falls to earth and hits Susan on her wedding day, turning her into a giant of a woman. The U.S. Government comes in a kidnaps and covers up, taking her to a secret compound with a few other monster movie rejects. (A Mad Scientist/Human Cockroach, The Missing Link/Creature From The Black Lagoon, B.O.B./Kind of like the Blob & Insectosaurus a throw-back to the Godzilla movies) Aliens invade and the government brings out the monsters to take out the aliens.

 This movie was a lot of fun, especially in 3D. Growing up on all the old monster movies from the 50's on made this way too much fun for me. It's got a few jokes in there for the adults, but is not dirty like the Shrek movies. Something I would not be embarrassed to take the kids in my family to. If you see this, make sure to see the 3D version. It's worth the extra couple bucks.

Verdict: * * * *

- Al B. Damned

Watchmen: The Complete Motion Comic (2008) DVD

Director: Jake Strider Hughes
Starring: Tom Stechschulte
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1322240/

This is the closest thing you are going to get to a faithful adaptation of the actual graphic novel. Problem is, for some it's going to be an acquired taste. Reminiscent of the old 60's cartoons from Marvel. This is very limited animation and one guy narrates and does all the voices. It is literally the comic brought to life. 12 issues make 12 episodes. I dig it, I still prefer reading the book, but this is a lot of fun. My biggest problem, no extras at all. Nothing. Lame.

Verdict: * * *

- Al B. Damned

I Love You, Man (2009)

Director: John Hamburg
Starring: Paul Rudd & Jason Segal
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1155056/

 Paul Rudd is Peter Klaven. He's never had guy friends, just girls. He's engaged and needs to find himself some friends and a best man. So he goes on "Man-Dates", confusion happens and comedy ensues.

 This is an alright movie, but it seemed like it could have been more. I just wasn't feeling it. Paul Rudd is funny, but I've seen him funnier. Same thing for Jason Segal, and the rest of the cast for that matter. Lou Ferringno plays himself and is, as always, damn enjoyable. Hopefully there will be an uncut DVD that has some funnier jokes.

Verdict: * * *

Al B. Damned

Rachel Getting Married (2008) DVD

Director: Jonathan Demme
Starring: Anne Hathaway & Rosemarie DeWitt
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1084950/

 Anne Hathaway plays Kym, a junkie getting out of rehab and heading home for her sisters wedding. Effectively placed against type. Lot's of handheld shots and no score help make this believable as a type of home movie. It made me feel like I was part of the family and there. Not really my type of movie, but was still pretty damn good.

 The DVD includes two commentaries. One by actress Rosemarie DeWitt and the other by the producer, screenwriter and editor. There are a "Behind the scenes", "Cast and Crew" and a "Wedding Band" featurette. A good sized handful of deleted scenes and the trailer are also included.

Verdict: * * *

- Al B. Damned

Let The Right One In (2008) DVD

Director: Tomas Alfredson
Starring: Kare Hedebrant & Lina Leandersson
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1139797/

This is the story of a young bullied boy and his relationship with a little vampire girl. One of the few vampire flicks of late that takes you down a road worth traveling. Although this is a form of a "love story" in here, it's not some craptastic romance ride like Twilight. Oh... and there is blood.

Originally in Swedish, don't make the mistake of putting this on without doing the set-up first. It played it with lame English over-dubs. It was awful. Watch it in it's original language with sub-titles. The over-all effect is much more satisfying.

Also includes some deleted scenes, a "making of" and trailer. Look out for the U.S. re-make in 2010.

Verdict ( * * * * )

- Al B. Damned

Knowing (2009)

Director: Alex Proyas
Starring: Nicholas Cage & Chandler Canterbury
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0448011/

 Fifty years ago a time capsule is buried by a school. All the kids in the class drew a picture and put in for the future class to get. One of these ends up being a list of dates for catastrophic events and the number of people who will die. After the time capsule is dug up and Nick Cage's son gets the list he figures it out and tries to stop the upcoming ones from happening.

 Fuck... from the synopsis of the film and the previews I did not think this would be that great. I don't even know what to say about it. Fucking intense! Hours later my head is still reeling from the religious overtones. Proyas did an amazing job directing, especially the single shot airplane scene. I'm still a little unsure of how I feel about the ending, but it is definitely not what I would have expected. I already can't wait to see this one again.

Verdict: * * * * *

- Al B. Damned

Tales From The Darkside - Season 1 - DVD

Tales From The Darkside: The First Season


http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0086814/

 One of the greatest things form my childhood re-released in a DVD set. You get three discs with just about nothing extra. Kind of a disappointment.

 Reading another review it was brought to my attention that on the back of the box it says "Some episodes may be edited from their original network versions. Music has been changed for this home entertainment version." Now it's been some years since I've seen the show... and sometimes things don't live up to the memory, but it seemed off from the start. Seems they did change the music. Lame. Also states that it includes commentary by George A. Romero. Ended up being another letdown. Only on one episode and it's so sparse it seems kind of pointless. I don't understand why Paramount and CBS can't come up with something extra for us.

 Aside from all of that, it's still a great series. Twenty-Four half hour episodes of one of the greatest horror anthology series of my childhood. Still worth what I spent. I was just left wanting more.

Verdict: * * *

Al B. Damned

The Last House On The Left (2009)

Director: Dennis Iliadis
Starring: Tony Goldwyn, Sara Paxton, Monica Potter & Garret Dillahunt
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0844708/

 Well shit... it's another re-make. A group of convicts kidnap some girls and kill them, then parents take revenge. You would think this would be more fun than it really was...

 The original from '72 was much more brutal. Don't get me wrong... there are some nice effects shots in here. In a way I guess they thought they were being brutal by showing us some of this... But they FAILED! The original spent much more time getting in your head showing the torture of the girls. The parents finding out and planning thier revenge and systematically taking out the cons. But in this new version that all goes out the window. Time slowly ticks by and nothing happens... when it finally does it's over so quick you barely noticed. The girl gets shot and left for dead only to survive. Lame. Parents find out and freak out. Killing them without torture. No real revenge, more like survival. Pretty weak. The only pay-off comes in the last 30 seconds of the film.

 I'll be the first to admit that the original is dated and I can see why they would want an update. But when you take away the psychosis and terror of the film and trade it for a couple squeamish gore shots then you're cheating us as movie-goers. Not to mention none of the gore in this film can compare to even the idea of the penis chomping scene in the '72 version. If I'd paid for this film I would have wanted my money back. Not worth seeing.

Verdict: *

- Al B. Damned

Out Of The Night (2009)

Director: Nick Sanford
Starring: Chris Bloomstadt, Cortney Hunter, Nicholas Toscani and Alora Walters.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1395221/

 The story involves a group of teens going up to a cabin in Sulphur for the weekend. The way it starts you feel you're in for the basic un-imaginative teen slasher plot, then... unexpectedly in the night, it takes a twist for something a little different. Russia starts dropping newly developed chem-bombs on all the major U.S. cities. Should they stay out in the boonies? Go out for help and find a community center with other survivors? A militant survival nut breaks in and attacks the group helping them make their decision. They hit the road looking for shelter while witnessing the devastation from the fallout along the way.

 Now, everyone knows I have a huge hard-on for low/no-budget horror/sci-fi films, especially ones filmed and based in Oklahoma. So it's already hard not to give this a good rating, but it really is deserving compared to some of the crap I've seen recently.  Well filmed in digital, it actually looks like a real movie, unlike a lot of the films I've watched as of late. The quality of this is scores above the rest I've seen from the area. It has a descent script and more-or-less some decent acting. Enough back-story to make you give a shit for the characters, but not so much to bore me to sleep. I'll be honest... I'm really digging the story line. From time to time I wanted to smash a beer bottle over the face of actor Bloomstadt, but after a while it grows on you. A little bit of quicker editing in the beginning conversations would have been nice, but in spite of it's limitations this has become one of my favorite Okla. films to date!

Verdict: * * * *

- Al B. Damned

Madea Goes to Jail (2009)

Director: Tyler Perry
Starring: Tyler Perry, Keshia Knight Pulliam, and Derek Luke
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1142800/

Don't let the title fool you the movie really isn't even about Madea going to jail at all. The movie is about a prostitute named Candy and her old life long lawyer friend Joshua that is trying to get her off the streets. Madea really only makes a few cameo appearances and at that it cuts to Candy and Joshua everytime she goes on a rampage. Madea and Candy end up meeting in jail and long story short she changes her ways.

Madea Goes to Jail is barely watchable at best and only has a select few shots that have real meaning to them. The few chuckles I got from the movie was from the guy sitting next to me who looked oddly enough like Don King and he kept yelling, "hallelujah" every time Madea made a brief cameo.

I give this movie one * out of five for being another dime a dozen Tyler Perry movie.

- The Assman

Watchmen (2009)

Director: Zach Snyder
Starring: Billy Crudup, Jackie Earle Haley, Jeffrey Dean Morgan & Malin Akerman
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0409459/

 The long awaited, much anticipated Watchmen... honestly... I totally expected to hate this film. I hated Zach Snyder's last project '300' and I thought they destroyed Alan Moore's 'V For Vendetta' when it was adapted. But as it turns out, this wasn't half bad. Most of the subject matter is close enough to the graphic novel. I'm not going to waste time debating the differences and how it could have been better or what they shouldn't have changed. I knew it wouldn't be perfect. Most adaptations aren't, but this still managed to be an enjoyable film. I may not be going back to theaters to see this, but I will definitely get the DVD. Let's hope for an extended cut on this.

Verdict: * * *

- Al B. Damned

Red Sands (2009) DVD

Director: Alex Turner
Starring: Shane West & J.K. Simmons
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1103256/

 A group of U.S. soldiers stationed in post 9/11 Afghanistan unwittingly release a Djinn. Don't be turned off because it's a movie about the Djinn. It goes deeper than that and this is nothing like 'Wishmaster'. They leave the cheese factor behind and take a darker more serious approach to the subject, getting inside the characters heads and turning them against each other.

 Special features included on the disc are commentary with the director and writer, a "Making Of" featurette, a set tour and some deleted scenes.

Verdict: * * * *

- Al B. Damned

Dance Of The Dead (2008) DVD

Director: Gregg Bishop
Starring: Jared Kusnitz, Greyson Chadwick & Chandler Darby
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0926063/

 Kids are gearing up for prom and the local nuclear power plant's been dumping something awful underneath the town... something that brings us some full-on ass-kickin' Return Of The Living Dead style brain-eaters! Well-written and directed with a nice blend of laughs and scares. This one made me forget how sick I am of the tired out zombie flicks that have been flooding the shelves the past few years.

 This DVD also has some kick-ass extras including a making of, deleted and extended scenes, a stunts and effects reel and the short film "Voodoo".

Verdict: * * * *

- Al B. Damned

Brotherhood Of Blood (2007)

Director: Michael Roesch & Peter Scheerer
Starring: Sid Haig & Ken Foree
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0493404/

 I've grown so tired of the vampire genre in general. For every hundred flicks it seems like there is only one diamond in the rough. This is what I was hoping for when it sported Sid Haig and Ken Foree on the cover in fangs. It got my blood pumping. I couldn't wait to get this home and check it out. Four viewings later and I still don't know how it ends. I've fallen asleep every time. I felt like I was watching one of those awful sci-fi channel originals. Total dissapointment considering this comes from Sam Raimi's new company. With his, Sid and Ken's names attached I really thought I would have been in for a treat.

Verdict: *

- Al B. Damned

Paul Blart: Mall Cop (2009)

Director: Steve Carr
Starring: Kevin James, Keir O'Donnel, Raini Rodriguez, and Jayma Mays
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1114740/

Paul Blart, a New Jersey security officer, is a middle aged single dad that takes his job too seriously. When burglars take over the mall he takes it upon himself to rescue the hostages; his daughter and the woman of his dreams.

It was pretty entertaining giving me a few good laughs but left wishing it had been more. The movie was relatable with the classic nice guy that cares too much. The problem mainly was that it was just too slapstick for its own good. The cheesy comedy outweighs the comedy or true meaning to the film If your looking for a fun family comedy then this is a good movie for you.

I give it 3 ***'s out of five for being a fun movie but that just lacked a little.

-The Assman

Last Chance Harvey (2008)

Director: Joel Hopkins
Starring: Dustin Hoffman & Emma Thompson
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1046947/

Dustin Hoffman travels to London for his daughters wedding. While in London he meets a woman and has a new chance for romance in his life. This is the basic plot. While not an amazing movie, this does have it's moments. It's pretty slow at first but picks up by the end. This is geared towards an older audience than most of the Hollywood fare. Not the kind of movie I like to go to a theater to see, but definitely something I'd want to curl up on the couch and watch. I give it 3 *'s.

- Al B. Damned