The Final Destination ( 2009 )

Starring: Bobby Campo, Nick Zano, Justin Welborn, & Haley Webb

Directed By David R. Ellis

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1144884/

This movie fucking sucked.  Everything about it was a goddamn Joke.  The acting, The kills, The audience, fucking everything.  It was like babysitting 219 EMO kids who couldn't stop txting and running around.  The whole scene was a disgrace to moviegoers and so was the film itself.  I can't fucking fathom why some retard would make another FD, when the last one was a total fucking bomb.  At least H2 had Zombie to back it up, but what does this horseshit have?  Lame actors with terrible acting skills, cheesy fx, and downright stupid kills.  The writting on this was a cross between a blind person with the heroin shakes, and a transgender weatherman.  IT MADE NO FUCKING SENSE!!!!!!!  OK so this time, we're at a racetrack (yeah I know) and BOOM! same fucking plot as the last 3, but this time they have a person who can guide the survivors to a possible second chance...no shit.  Just like the other 3, people die, the crowd cheers, people txt  friends 4 seats away, and everybody leaves happy.  Not me.    How the fuck can people just write this movie off as "well at least they got what they want" who is they?  The fucking tweens who sneek into movies and ruin it for everybody?  Or is it the crowd who bash on H2 but turn around and hail this as a breath of fresh air?!?!?!  Look folks, if you like the FD franchise then you might like this one, but if you want to see something that might make you think, then stay away from this shitbag.

Overall review ( * )

Mr. What?

Halloween 2 (2009)

Starring: Malcolm McDowell, Tyler Mane, Brad Douriff, Scout Taylor-Compton, & Sherri Moon Zombie.

Written and Directed By Rob Zombie

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1311067/

If you like ANYTHING Rob has done (music, movies, art,) then you will like this movie. However, if you want something Epic and cutting edge, well............fuck off and go home.

H2 appeals to the side of you that craves violence and unrest.  I watched this movie  Twice and left both times grinning ear to ear hearing people complain "what was that?" "OMG that was just too much", "fucking lame man", "DUDE LETS SMOKE A BOWL", "what was with the White Horse?!?!", and so on.  These were real comments from movie goers.

I felt the movie was everything one can expect from Rob, but also felt that as a whole most movie goers have become too snotty for their own good.  It's these uptight pricks that ruin movies for everybody else.  Have you ever been dying to see a movie, and then have some nitwit walk by you and yell out  "THIS MOVIE SUCKS"?  Well if you have, those folks hated it, but people like me, and you the reader, will really dig this flick............Our story takes place 1 year later.  Lori (Taylor-Compton) is an emotional wreck who now resides with Sheriff Brackett and his Daughter Annie (Douriff,Harris) who also survived Michael's wrath, and has some nasty nightmares.  As expected Michael returns in a violent and Bloody fashion, displaying a much more nastier side of MM that we have ever seen before.  The film at times takes a break and shows MM mom Deborah Myers (Moon Zombie) in spirit form talking to Michael.  This new twist is what I think throws people off.  Anytime you put Psychosis into a movie and try not to be too cheesy, people laugh it off, or complain about it.  For H2, it seemed that most of the folks didn't understand what was going on, but maybe if "they" could stop fucking texting, talking, or running around the theater, then maybe "they" would understand what was fucking going on..........So as Micheal walks back to Haddonfield, killing people along the way Dr. Loomis happens to be in town pushing his new book "The Devil Walks Among Us".  Throughout the movie Loomis (McDowell) comes of as an English Snarky Prick (which he has become) cashing in on the fame while trying to seem empathetic to the families involved.  I really like how Malcolm McDowell turned Dr. Loomis into a total asshole who deserves to die.  There is on scene where Dr. Loomis runs into a nasty situation and yells to Sheriff Brackett "let me do this!!  I owe you that"  Considering what kind off hell Loomis caused everybody, it seemed fitting.  Gone is the original panic and pain to the original Loomis, make way for a more real typical nowadays shrink...........  As you can guess, lots of blood and nasty gore takes place, but there was something a little more uneasy.  That would be Michael Myers.  In case none of you read Rob Z's interview about H2, Rob stated that this was not a remake of Halloween 2, but something totally different.  With Michael Myers he nailed it.  MM is now more menacing than before, much, much, MUCH, more violent with the kills.  Watching MM stab with such force and hatred made me uneasy.  Also we hear MM grunt and groan when he kills or destroys walls or windows.  I was hated these movies where the killer never made a sound when he killed or, broke shit.  Not here though.  It adds a certain feel that I can't explain.  it was very violent, but yet almost human like.  The biggest thing about Michael was his size.  You really didn't see much of it in the first one, other than the Mental Institute.  Here though, we See Tyler Mane Looming over everybody and destroying people at will like a man of his size would do............Look guys I could go on and on about this movie so let me just say this, If you want a Good movie with lots of violence, and disturbing Images, then go see this...

Overall Rating ( * * * * )

Mr. What?

Inglourious Basterds (2009)

Starring: Brad Pitt, Eli Roth, Christoph Waltz, Diane Kruger & Till Schweiger

Directed By Quentin Tarantino

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0361748/

YES!!!!!!!!  Finally a War movie that doesn't bore me to death.  I grew up watching The Dirty Dozen, and the Great Escape with my dad.  We would always cheer when Nazis died, and felt a little more prouder to be American after viewing them.  Recently war movies have become boring and to political for me.  Yeah shit goes KABOOM! and people die, but I'm not going to feel all depressed after seeing it.  This movie made me stand up afterwards and clap.  It had it all, Blood & Gore, carnage, comedy, Revenge Killing, and an awesome fucking ending.  If you have ever wondered what it would be like to see The Dirty Dozen mixed with a Grindhouse flick, then you are in for a treat!  The only problem I have with Tarantino flims is the Fanboys.  Which to me, are typically White, Loud Mouthed, Overweight, obnoxious motherfuckers who ruin movies.  I feel that if I pay money to see a movie, you don't need some asshole who runs a shitty record store with mommy and daddy by day, and plays in a shitty punk band at night, gabbing through the whole thing.  Well folks, I had to deal with it, but you know what?  I was more intrigued with the other crowd......Senior Citizens....Yep, Old Folks.  I saw More walkers and elderly folks than I did at the King Kong Remake 4 years ago.

I guess they wanted to see Nazi Scum Die one more time before they (old People) died.  So here is the story Line in a Nutshell........In Nazi-occupied France during World War II, a group of Jewish-American soldiers known as "The Basterds" are chosen specifically to spread fear throughout the Third Reich by scalping and brutally killing Nazis. The Basterds soon cross paths with a French-Jewish teenage girl who runs a movie theater in Paris which is targeted by the soldiers...............Yeah and thats just a tip of the ice berg.  Brad Pitt does an amazing Job Playing Lt. Aldo Raine.  A man hellbent one thing and one thing only...Killing Nazis.  Lt. Raine also demands 100 nazi scalps per man in his unit, oh and he will get his scalps....I mean, How the fuck can you go wrong with a guy like that???  Eli Roth must've had some penned up agression in this movie playing Sgt, Donny Donowitz or better named The Bear Jew by the Germans.  To see Donny whack skulls like Ted Williams, was amazing...Imagine the gruesomeness of Hostel in a non EMO War movie!!!!!  I must say that my Favorite guys was Sgt. Hugo Stiglitz played by Till Schweiger.  Hugo turned against the Germans and killed a grip of higher commanders, only to be picked up the Basterds for their mission...Many of you might remember Till from SLC Punk as the paranoid Weed dealer who lost his family in a plane crash.  My god watching him try to sit next to nazis on an undercover mission was fucking awesome.....wow....all in all this movie was long and had your typical Tarantino build up and finish, but it wasn't weak, or overdrawn in any way.  Oh and yes Mike Myers makes a cameo in makeup, but compared to Tom Cruise last summer in Tropic Thunder, Myers looked...well, like an older version of himself.  Man If you want to see an awesome double feature I would suggest this and District 9, they both seem to finally make summer movies worth seeing...sometimes twice;)

Overall rating ( * * * * * )

Mr. What?

The Goods: Live Hard, Sell Hard (2009)

Starring: Jeremy Piven, Ving Rhames, James Brolin, David Koechner, Kathryn Hahn< Ed Helms, & Rob Riggle

Directed by Neal Brennan

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1092633/

First things first.  I'm not a Jeremy Piven fan.  He reminds me of that snarky guy in Highschool who always had some smartass shit to say, but when he went to far with insults or attitude, was always backing up trying to talk his way out.  I only liked one movie of Mr. Pivens, and that was nothing more than a lame 90's college flick (PCU).

This time however, Jeremy has got my vote.......................Piven stars as Don Ready, a smooth talking car salesman who is so pimp, that he lights up a cigarette on a plane, and turns the flight into one big orgy.  Campy, I know, but hey it's a great way to start the movie.  Don is caslled to Temecula CA to save a Family owned carlot from going under.

armed with his "team" Jibby (rhames) who has slept with thousands of women, but never made love, Brent (Koechner) who is don's right hand man, and who become involved in a running gay joke that never gets old, and Babs (Hahn) the hilarious foul mouthed sex appeal. ................When the crew arrives to help out Selleck Motors, the crude humor ensues........Ben (brolin) has a gay crush on Brent, Don wants to nail bens daughter, and Babs falls for a 10 year old boy in a 40 year olds(riggle) body......Yeah I don't want to give that away, but it's really fucking funny.  The side players in this movie are what made it funny for me.  Oh, and also having the car lot being called a "Refugee camp for dirty men" helped out with the tone.  I would say that the Character of Charles Napier, an older salesman who longs for the older days when being sexist and racist was an everyday way life, was mine, and the crowds favorite.  I guess there is something about an older man who screams queer, and bitch and uses the F word at will, VERY FUNNY!.................Along the way we find out that if Don and the crew don't sell every car on the lot, then the lot will be sold to a local competitor who will use it for practice space for his 30 year old sons Boy Band, who opened for O-town.....Yeah no shit......If you want Foul Mouthed Humor, NON PC humor, and a great laugh, then go see this movie.

Overall rating ( * * * )

Mr. What?