Director: Catherine Hardwicke
Writer: David Johnson
Starring: Amanda Seyfried, Lukas Haas, Gary Oldman
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1486185/
The only reason I watched this was because it was the only movie starting at the time I was chillin' at the theater looking for something to do. I wasn't looking forward to anything touted as being made by the same people that made 'Twilight'.
This is supposed to be the "real" story of where the fable of Red Riding Hood came from... not likely. A werewolf tale for the teeny-bopper set. The only real thing this has going for it is Gary Oldman and Virginia Madsen. Hokey story and CGI werewolf. It was hard to be impressed...
Now, it wasn't all bad... I mean... if you compare it to Twilight it's definitely a superior film. ha ha ha. Fuck it.
Verdict: * *
- Xtoph
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Battle: Los Angeles (2011)
Director: Jonathan Liebesman
Writer: Christopher Bertolini
Starring: Aaron Eckhart, Michelle Rodriguez, Bridget Moynahan
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1217613/
Another fucking alien invasion movie... really? If you're going to do, at least try to do it right... there were so many bad-ass ones in the 80's. The 90's were even alright... yes... even Will Smith. But this dreck they've been shoveling down out throats? Not even entertaining.
We open up in the middle of battle, L.A. is a warzone, then it cuts 24 hours or so earlier. Let's us get to know our little group of marines and how they got together. Lets us know enough of their personal lives so we care about them. Halfway through the movie we finally get to see some lame aliens and space-ships. Nothing great.
Worst part of the film... it's not even single camera self-shot like 'Cloverfield' or anything. It's pro-shot like a real movie is supposed to be, complete with "moving" cinematic score. Worst part is... the goddamn thing is shakier than the 'Blair Witch Project', seriously... no wonder the pregnant chick puked and left early... When you have a budget this big, invest in a steady-cam so we can see what the hell is going on guys. Oh... and is anyone else sick of Michelle Rodriguez? I mean seriously... she's not that hot and does anyone actually buy her as a tough-as-nails bad-ass chick like she always, always, always portrays?
Verdict: *
- Xtoph
Writer: Christopher Bertolini
Starring: Aaron Eckhart, Michelle Rodriguez, Bridget Moynahan
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1217613/
Another fucking alien invasion movie... really? If you're going to do, at least try to do it right... there were so many bad-ass ones in the 80's. The 90's were even alright... yes... even Will Smith. But this dreck they've been shoveling down out throats? Not even entertaining.
We open up in the middle of battle, L.A. is a warzone, then it cuts 24 hours or so earlier. Let's us get to know our little group of marines and how they got together. Lets us know enough of their personal lives so we care about them. Halfway through the movie we finally get to see some lame aliens and space-ships. Nothing great.
Worst part of the film... it's not even single camera self-shot like 'Cloverfield' or anything. It's pro-shot like a real movie is supposed to be, complete with "moving" cinematic score. Worst part is... the goddamn thing is shakier than the 'Blair Witch Project', seriously... no wonder the pregnant chick puked and left early... When you have a budget this big, invest in a steady-cam so we can see what the hell is going on guys. Oh... and is anyone else sick of Michelle Rodriguez? I mean seriously... she's not that hot and does anyone actually buy her as a tough-as-nails bad-ass chick like she always, always, always portrays?
Verdict: *
- Xtoph
Monday, March 14, 2011
Rango (2011)
Director: Gore Verbinski
Writer: John Logan
Starring: Johnny Depp, Isla Fisher, Timothy Olyphant
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1192628/
I was not looking forward to seeing this when I first saw the trailer. I'm just sick of Johnny Depp doing kid's films. I want to see something different. I lucked out with this one... it's one of those cartoons you can take the kids too, but it's really aimed for the adults.
Johnny Depp plays Rango, a pet chameleon that gets tossed out onto the highway when the owners have a near accident. That then sends him on a journey through the desert to the town of Dirt. Here he becomes the Sherriff, meets a girl, has some adventures and eventually finds himself. Fun stuff really.
A lot of kooky characters, a lot you will recognize who they were modeled after. Coolest part is the little tribute to Hunter S. Thompson! Timothy Olyphant plays Rango's spirit guide. The Man With No Name, totally modeled after Clint Eastwood's character from the old spaghetti westerns.
Verdict: * * *
- Xtoph
Writer: John Logan
Starring: Johnny Depp, Isla Fisher, Timothy Olyphant
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1192628/
I was not looking forward to seeing this when I first saw the trailer. I'm just sick of Johnny Depp doing kid's films. I want to see something different. I lucked out with this one... it's one of those cartoons you can take the kids too, but it's really aimed for the adults.
Johnny Depp plays Rango, a pet chameleon that gets tossed out onto the highway when the owners have a near accident. That then sends him on a journey through the desert to the town of Dirt. Here he becomes the Sherriff, meets a girl, has some adventures and eventually finds himself. Fun stuff really.
A lot of kooky characters, a lot you will recognize who they were modeled after. Coolest part is the little tribute to Hunter S. Thompson! Timothy Olyphant plays Rango's spirit guide. The Man With No Name, totally modeled after Clint Eastwood's character from the old spaghetti westerns.
Verdict: * * *
- Xtoph
Sunday, March 6, 2011
I Am Number Four (2011)
Director: D.J. Caruso
Writers: Alfred Gough, Mile Millar
Starring: Alex Pettyfer, Timothy Olyphant, Dianna Agron
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1464540/
Not knowing what I was in for I chose films based on what time they started. In this one, Alex Pettyfer plays John, or number Four. AN alien heart-throb that belongs on the WB, or whatever television station plays this crap nowadays. Mean aliens tried to kill off his kind and are hunting him down after they escaped to the planet earth. They try and blend in and move around a lot. He falls in love and doesn't want to keep moving. The bad aliens find him and they battle. The end. Great storyline, right?
If your into shows like Smallville and whatever kinda crap like that they play on the teevee, you'll dig this flick. It's got pretty girls and boys, lots of craptastic action, aliens and laser guns and childish humor. All the makings of a classic. I wouldn't waste my ten bucks on this...
Verdict: * *
- Xtoph
Writers: Alfred Gough, Mile Millar
Starring: Alex Pettyfer, Timothy Olyphant, Dianna Agron
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1464540/
Not knowing what I was in for I chose films based on what time they started. In this one, Alex Pettyfer plays John, or number Four. AN alien heart-throb that belongs on the WB, or whatever television station plays this crap nowadays. Mean aliens tried to kill off his kind and are hunting him down after they escaped to the planet earth. They try and blend in and move around a lot. He falls in love and doesn't want to keep moving. The bad aliens find him and they battle. The end. Great storyline, right?
If your into shows like Smallville and whatever kinda crap like that they play on the teevee, you'll dig this flick. It's got pretty girls and boys, lots of craptastic action, aliens and laser guns and childish humor. All the makings of a classic. I wouldn't waste my ten bucks on this...
Verdict: * *
- Xtoph
Take Me Home Tonight (2011)
Director: Michael Dowse
Writers: Jackie Filgo, Jeff Filgo
Starring: Topher Grace, Anna Faris, Dan Fogler
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0810922/
Second movie I saw was 'Take Me Home Tonight', the new Topher Grace film. Not really sure how he made if from television to feature films since he's the same in everything he does.
Topher Grace is a loser who has done nothing with his life and works at the local video store. He has had a crush on a chick out of his league all through school. She come to the store and he lies to act like he's successful now that they are out of high school. She invites him to a party. He calls his buddy who gets fired from his job. They steal a car and snort some coke and party. **Spoiler Alert** An hour and a half later Topher Grace grows some balls and gets the girl.
This should have had some nostalgia or something, but I felt nothing. There were a few laughs and some tit's once or twice. Nothing to write home about. I kinda have a thing for Anna Faris though... so it was cool seeing her play a chick that was only a little whorish instead of completely whorish like usual. There is really nothing redeeming about this film.
Verdict: * *
- Xtoph
Writers: Jackie Filgo, Jeff Filgo
Starring: Topher Grace, Anna Faris, Dan Fogler
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0810922/
Second movie I saw was 'Take Me Home Tonight', the new Topher Grace film. Not really sure how he made if from television to feature films since he's the same in everything he does.
Topher Grace is a loser who has done nothing with his life and works at the local video store. He has had a crush on a chick out of his league all through school. She come to the store and he lies to act like he's successful now that they are out of high school. She invites him to a party. He calls his buddy who gets fired from his job. They steal a car and snort some coke and party. **Spoiler Alert** An hour and a half later Topher Grace grows some balls and gets the girl.
This should have had some nostalgia or something, but I felt nothing. There were a few laughs and some tit's once or twice. Nothing to write home about. I kinda have a thing for Anna Faris though... so it was cool seeing her play a chick that was only a little whorish instead of completely whorish like usual. There is really nothing redeeming about this film.
Verdict: * *
- Xtoph
Just Go With It (2011)
Director: Dennis Dugan
Writers: Allan Loeb, Timothy Dowling
Starring: Adam Sandler, Jennifer Aniston, Brooklyn Decker
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1564367/
Just got off the road and back in Oklahoma, where I can actually find myself in a theater. I got back here and had no clue what any of the movies out were about. It's been so long since I've been in a theater that I haven't seen a preview for one of them. I guess that's what happens when you live on the road and crash places with no television. I tell ya though... I don't feel as though I was missing anything. These movies kept me half-assed entertained for a couple hours, but nothing stuck with me. There was no style or substance. I'll still give you the run down though, I watched 'em... so I might as well give ya a head's up to what it's all about.
First flick I saw was the new Adam Sandler vehicle 'Just Go With It', I popped into my old theater and while waiting around one of the kids asked me if I wanted to see that one. It's about what you would expect from Adam Sandler. Tired jokes and absurd situations that you completely forget about once you leave the theater.
Adam Sandler plays a schmuck named Danny. He has a huge honker and a slut for a girlfriend. His wedding day he overhears her talking about her sexcapades and heads to the bar. Finds out his sob story can get him laid by hot women, keeps the ring and whores himself out for the next decade. During this time he's become a plastic surgeon and got his nose fixed. He meets this babe Palmer (Brooklyn Decker) and thinks he loves her, so he piles li upon lie upon lie... Gets himself a fake family and fake ex-wife, his secretary Jennifer Aniston, and heads off on a Hawaiian vacation with his new girl and fake family. Hijinks ensue and... you guessed it... he falls for Jennifer Aniston. Never saw it coming, did ya?
It's filled with the same basic humor you come to expect from Sandler film. Nothing new here and leaves you wondering when this horse will die.
Verdict: * *
- Xtoph
Writers: Allan Loeb, Timothy Dowling
Starring: Adam Sandler, Jennifer Aniston, Brooklyn Decker
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1564367/
Just got off the road and back in Oklahoma, where I can actually find myself in a theater. I got back here and had no clue what any of the movies out were about. It's been so long since I've been in a theater that I haven't seen a preview for one of them. I guess that's what happens when you live on the road and crash places with no television. I tell ya though... I don't feel as though I was missing anything. These movies kept me half-assed entertained for a couple hours, but nothing stuck with me. There was no style or substance. I'll still give you the run down though, I watched 'em... so I might as well give ya a head's up to what it's all about.
First flick I saw was the new Adam Sandler vehicle 'Just Go With It', I popped into my old theater and while waiting around one of the kids asked me if I wanted to see that one. It's about what you would expect from Adam Sandler. Tired jokes and absurd situations that you completely forget about once you leave the theater.
Adam Sandler plays a schmuck named Danny. He has a huge honker and a slut for a girlfriend. His wedding day he overhears her talking about her sexcapades and heads to the bar. Finds out his sob story can get him laid by hot women, keeps the ring and whores himself out for the next decade. During this time he's become a plastic surgeon and got his nose fixed. He meets this babe Palmer (Brooklyn Decker) and thinks he loves her, so he piles li upon lie upon lie... Gets himself a fake family and fake ex-wife, his secretary Jennifer Aniston, and heads off on a Hawaiian vacation with his new girl and fake family. Hijinks ensue and... you guessed it... he falls for Jennifer Aniston. Never saw it coming, did ya?
It's filled with the same basic humor you come to expect from Sandler film. Nothing new here and leaves you wondering when this horse will die.
Verdict: * *
- Xtoph
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