The Final Destination ( 2009 )

Starring: Bobby Campo, Nick Zano, Justin Welborn, & Haley Webb

Directed By David R. Ellis

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1144884/

This movie fucking sucked.  Everything about it was a goddamn Joke.  The acting, The kills, The audience, fucking everything.  It was like babysitting 219 EMO kids who couldn't stop txting and running around.  The whole scene was a disgrace to moviegoers and so was the film itself.  I can't fucking fathom why some retard would make another FD, when the last one was a total fucking bomb.  At least H2 had Zombie to back it up, but what does this horseshit have?  Lame actors with terrible acting skills, cheesy fx, and downright stupid kills.  The writting on this was a cross between a blind person with the heroin shakes, and a transgender weatherman.  IT MADE NO FUCKING SENSE!!!!!!!  OK so this time, we're at a racetrack (yeah I know) and BOOM! same fucking plot as the last 3, but this time they have a person who can guide the survivors to a possible second chance...no shit.  Just like the other 3, people die, the crowd cheers, people txt  friends 4 seats away, and everybody leaves happy.  Not me.    How the fuck can people just write this movie off as "well at least they got what they want" who is they?  The fucking tweens who sneek into movies and ruin it for everybody?  Or is it the crowd who bash on H2 but turn around and hail this as a breath of fresh air?!?!?!  Look folks, if you like the FD franchise then you might like this one, but if you want to see something that might make you think, then stay away from this shitbag.

Overall review ( * )

Mr. What?

Halloween 2 (2009)

Starring: Malcolm McDowell, Tyler Mane, Brad Douriff, Scout Taylor-Compton, & Sherri Moon Zombie.

Written and Directed By Rob Zombie

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1311067/

If you like ANYTHING Rob has done (music, movies, art,) then you will like this movie. However, if you want something Epic and cutting edge, well............fuck off and go home.

H2 appeals to the side of you that craves violence and unrest.  I watched this movie  Twice and left both times grinning ear to ear hearing people complain "what was that?" "OMG that was just too much", "fucking lame man", "DUDE LETS SMOKE A BOWL", "what was with the White Horse?!?!", and so on.  These were real comments from movie goers.

I felt the movie was everything one can expect from Rob, but also felt that as a whole most movie goers have become too snotty for their own good.  It's these uptight pricks that ruin movies for everybody else.  Have you ever been dying to see a movie, and then have some nitwit walk by you and yell out  "THIS MOVIE SUCKS"?  Well if you have, those folks hated it, but people like me, and you the reader, will really dig this flick............Our story takes place 1 year later.  Lori (Taylor-Compton) is an emotional wreck who now resides with Sheriff Brackett and his Daughter Annie (Douriff,Harris) who also survived Michael's wrath, and has some nasty nightmares.  As expected Michael returns in a violent and Bloody fashion, displaying a much more nastier side of MM that we have ever seen before.  The film at times takes a break and shows MM mom Deborah Myers (Moon Zombie) in spirit form talking to Michael.  This new twist is what I think throws people off.  Anytime you put Psychosis into a movie and try not to be too cheesy, people laugh it off, or complain about it.  For H2, it seemed that most of the folks didn't understand what was going on, but maybe if "they" could stop fucking texting, talking, or running around the theater, then maybe "they" would understand what was fucking going on..........So as Micheal walks back to Haddonfield, killing people along the way Dr. Loomis happens to be in town pushing his new book "The Devil Walks Among Us".  Throughout the movie Loomis (McDowell) comes of as an English Snarky Prick (which he has become) cashing in on the fame while trying to seem empathetic to the families involved.  I really like how Malcolm McDowell turned Dr. Loomis into a total asshole who deserves to die.  There is on scene where Dr. Loomis runs into a nasty situation and yells to Sheriff Brackett "let me do this!!  I owe you that"  Considering what kind off hell Loomis caused everybody, it seemed fitting.  Gone is the original panic and pain to the original Loomis, make way for a more real typical nowadays shrink...........  As you can guess, lots of blood and nasty gore takes place, but there was something a little more uneasy.  That would be Michael Myers.  In case none of you read Rob Z's interview about H2, Rob stated that this was not a remake of Halloween 2, but something totally different.  With Michael Myers he nailed it.  MM is now more menacing than before, much, much, MUCH, more violent with the kills.  Watching MM stab with such force and hatred made me uneasy.  Also we hear MM grunt and groan when he kills or destroys walls or windows.  I was hated these movies where the killer never made a sound when he killed or, broke shit.  Not here though.  It adds a certain feel that I can't explain.  it was very violent, but yet almost human like.  The biggest thing about Michael was his size.  You really didn't see much of it in the first one, other than the Mental Institute.  Here though, we See Tyler Mane Looming over everybody and destroying people at will like a man of his size would do............Look guys I could go on and on about this movie so let me just say this, If you want a Good movie with lots of violence, and disturbing Images, then go see this...

Overall Rating ( * * * * )

Mr. What?

Inglourious Basterds (2009)

Starring: Brad Pitt, Eli Roth, Christoph Waltz, Diane Kruger & Till Schweiger

Directed By Quentin Tarantino

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0361748/

YES!!!!!!!!  Finally a War movie that doesn't bore me to death.  I grew up watching The Dirty Dozen, and the Great Escape with my dad.  We would always cheer when Nazis died, and felt a little more prouder to be American after viewing them.  Recently war movies have become boring and to political for me.  Yeah shit goes KABOOM! and people die, but I'm not going to feel all depressed after seeing it.  This movie made me stand up afterwards and clap.  It had it all, Blood & Gore, carnage, comedy, Revenge Killing, and an awesome fucking ending.  If you have ever wondered what it would be like to see The Dirty Dozen mixed with a Grindhouse flick, then you are in for a treat!  The only problem I have with Tarantino flims is the Fanboys.  Which to me, are typically White, Loud Mouthed, Overweight, obnoxious motherfuckers who ruin movies.  I feel that if I pay money to see a movie, you don't need some asshole who runs a shitty record store with mommy and daddy by day, and plays in a shitty punk band at night, gabbing through the whole thing.  Well folks, I had to deal with it, but you know what?  I was more intrigued with the other crowd......Senior Citizens....Yep, Old Folks.  I saw More walkers and elderly folks than I did at the King Kong Remake 4 years ago.

I guess they wanted to see Nazi Scum Die one more time before they (old People) died.  So here is the story Line in a Nutshell........In Nazi-occupied France during World War II, a group of Jewish-American soldiers known as "The Basterds" are chosen specifically to spread fear throughout the Third Reich by scalping and brutally killing Nazis. The Basterds soon cross paths with a French-Jewish teenage girl who runs a movie theater in Paris which is targeted by the soldiers...............Yeah and thats just a tip of the ice berg.  Brad Pitt does an amazing Job Playing Lt. Aldo Raine.  A man hellbent one thing and one thing only...Killing Nazis.  Lt. Raine also demands 100 nazi scalps per man in his unit, oh and he will get his scalps....I mean, How the fuck can you go wrong with a guy like that???  Eli Roth must've had some penned up agression in this movie playing Sgt, Donny Donowitz or better named The Bear Jew by the Germans.  To see Donny whack skulls like Ted Williams, was amazing...Imagine the gruesomeness of Hostel in a non EMO War movie!!!!!  I must say that my Favorite guys was Sgt. Hugo Stiglitz played by Till Schweiger.  Hugo turned against the Germans and killed a grip of higher commanders, only to be picked up the Basterds for their mission...Many of you might remember Till from SLC Punk as the paranoid Weed dealer who lost his family in a plane crash.  My god watching him try to sit next to nazis on an undercover mission was fucking awesome.....wow....all in all this movie was long and had your typical Tarantino build up and finish, but it wasn't weak, or overdrawn in any way.  Oh and yes Mike Myers makes a cameo in makeup, but compared to Tom Cruise last summer in Tropic Thunder, Myers looked...well, like an older version of himself.  Man If you want to see an awesome double feature I would suggest this and District 9, they both seem to finally make summer movies worth seeing...sometimes twice;)

Overall rating ( * * * * * )

Mr. What?

The Goods: Live Hard, Sell Hard (2009)

Starring: Jeremy Piven, Ving Rhames, James Brolin, David Koechner, Kathryn Hahn< Ed Helms, & Rob Riggle

Directed by Neal Brennan

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1092633/

First things first.  I'm not a Jeremy Piven fan.  He reminds me of that snarky guy in Highschool who always had some smartass shit to say, but when he went to far with insults or attitude, was always backing up trying to talk his way out.  I only liked one movie of Mr. Pivens, and that was nothing more than a lame 90's college flick (PCU).

This time however, Jeremy has got my vote.......................Piven stars as Don Ready, a smooth talking car salesman who is so pimp, that he lights up a cigarette on a plane, and turns the flight into one big orgy.  Campy, I know, but hey it's a great way to start the movie.  Don is caslled to Temecula CA to save a Family owned carlot from going under.

armed with his "team" Jibby (rhames) who has slept with thousands of women, but never made love, Brent (Koechner) who is don's right hand man, and who become involved in a running gay joke that never gets old, and Babs (Hahn) the hilarious foul mouthed sex appeal. ................When the crew arrives to help out Selleck Motors, the crude humor ensues........Ben (brolin) has a gay crush on Brent, Don wants to nail bens daughter, and Babs falls for a 10 year old boy in a 40 year olds(riggle) body......Yeah I don't want to give that away, but it's really fucking funny.  The side players in this movie are what made it funny for me.  Oh, and also having the car lot being called a "Refugee camp for dirty men" helped out with the tone.  I would say that the Character of Charles Napier, an older salesman who longs for the older days when being sexist and racist was an everyday way life, was mine, and the crowds favorite.  I guess there is something about an older man who screams queer, and bitch and uses the F word at will, VERY FUNNY!.................Along the way we find out that if Don and the crew don't sell every car on the lot, then the lot will be sold to a local competitor who will use it for practice space for his 30 year old sons Boy Band, who opened for O-town.....Yeah no shit......If you want Foul Mouthed Humor, NON PC humor, and a great laugh, then go see this movie.

Overall rating ( * * * )

Mr. What?

District 9 (2009)

Starring: Sharlto Copley, Jason Cope, Nathalie Boltt, & John Summer

Directed by Neill Blomkamp

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1136608/

Holy Fuck. I witnessed a true 5 star movie (in my view at least).  Everything about this movie got solid 10's.  The directing, acting, Vibe, & Story, are just some of the many high points for this film.  When I attended this movie the theater was 1/2 full of people, but before the first preview, it was packed.  I glanced around and saw just about every skin color, and walk of life in the crowd.  I felt then that we were all in for something grand, and this movie didn't let anybody down.....................So our story takes place in Johannesburg South Africa where 20 years ago, a Huge ship just seemed to stop and hover above the city.  With no movement or any sort of signs of life, the government just let it sit.  After some time the Military opens the ship up and finds a race of Starving and sick aliens.  So to cut the fat The government puts the aliens into an area called District 9, which over time turns into a ghetto................over the next 20 years we see the crime rate go up, Mistreatment, and Blatent discrimination to the Aliens reach a dangerous high.  I really liked how the aliens were nothing more than a race of creatures that ate garbage, lived life, and got kinda high off of catfood.  When we get the current day it is absolute filth.  The aliens live in a ghetto run by Militants who control District 9's underground crime ring.  It's all there drug abuse (though not really mentioned) Prostitution, Theft, Assault, and Other nasty ghetto like traits.  The aliens are so poor and down, that they resort to trading weapons for cat food and cattle heads to eat.  The only thing is, humans can't make the alien weapons to work...................So, to keep control of the aliens the government contracts them out to a private company called Multi-National United, which has no intrest at all in the treatment, or rights of the aliens.  It is held from the public that MNU's true purpose is to make the alien weapons work, which they have failed.  Now trim even more fat, MNU decides to evict ALL of the aliens in District 9 into a concentration camp, and try to find more weapons.  So an agent is sent in to evict everybody.  While in District 9 The said agent comes into contact with something that alters his DNA and makes him become part alien and part human.  Needless to say he is now the most wanted man in the country, and must team up with the aliens to figure out a way for them to get back home and make him normal again........................That folks is an epic movie.  I was so enthralled with it that I totally ignored anybody around me and just watched. The  Documentary style of shooting gave everything a very sureal feeling.  I felt like I was back in my old Neighborhood in Portland OR, and at the same time Like my current Neighborhood.  Is that saying that i'm white trash, or a parasite?  Thats exactly how these aliens were meant to feel, and for what?  Getting stuck somewhere they didn't want to be?  I also thought the Hatred twords the aliens was accepted by everyone, thus the nickname the aliens were given.  Prawns.  That name alone denotes low order of the foodchain..............Man I could go on and on, but I wont.  If you have a chance to see this movie, then due so.  It has alot of violence and gore, but you get stuck into the movie that it all seems to fit perfect into the flow.

Overall rating ( * * * * * )

Mr. What?

A Perfect Getaway ( 2009 )

Starring: Steve Zahn, Milla Jovovich, Timothy Olyphant & Kiele Sanchez

Directed By David Twohy

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0971209/

FINALLY......  A movie that didn't get as much hype as others, but knocked em out all the same.  I will admit at first I was a little timid about seeing this, but after forking over 30 bucks on 3 shitty films, what more did I have left to lose?  Other than more money;)

Here is the basic plot.....Two pairs of lovers (Zahn & Jovovich, Olyphant & Sanchez) on a Hawaiian vacation discover that psychopaths are stalking and murdering tourists on the islands.  I'm sure you'e all seen the commercials, and such.  Trust me this movie is a 2 thumbs up flick.  The settings, scares, and ending are worth the ticket price, but so is another aspect.  The Hitchcock feel.  

I enjoyed sitting in my seat the and didn't feel twitchy, or bored.  the pace and feel kept me intrigued, but the constant "who the fuck is doing this" and paranoia had me guessing.  It was like actually being on vacation with my wife and another couple and being stalked.  I'd Imagine.  The only reason I didn't give this another star was because the first 15 minutes seemed to drag a little bit, but when it got moving, IT GOT MOVING.  

In closing I want to recomend this movie to anybody who wants a real horror feel and not some CG monster.

Overall rating ( * * * 1/2 )

-Mr. What?-

G.I. Joe ( 2009 )

Starring: Dennis Quaid, Sienna Miller, Ray Park, Marlon Wayans & Channing Tatum

Directed By Stephen Sommers

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1046173/

Yeah I paid to see this movie, and was not let down.  Unlike the last 3 movies I reviewed which were nothing more than wallet drainers, this one lived up to my expectations.  Non stop action, cheesy plot, and big BOOMS were aplenty.  Yes Marlon Wayans is playing a character from the show who was white, big fucking deal.  Yes the story is lame compared to District 9, but goddamn it look what show it's based after!  Not offend the Transformer cult, but I watched both shows as a kid, and favored G.I. Joe just because of the high impact ( Sorry liberal kids, I'm an American and love guns ) weapons.

So on with the show....  Here is the basic plot from what I gathered....An elite military unit comprised of special operatives known as G.I. Joe, operating out of The Pit, takes on an evil organization led by a notorious arms dealer. 

Fine thats it.  From here on out it's what any fan would expect, and thats the way it should be.  Where transformers seemed to be nothing more than a sappy emo robot disaster flick, this is just a live action version of the cartoon.  Some of the Joe team members Look different than the show, but are just as badass.  My favorite like millions of others is Snake Eyes, just because of the look and feel from the show, sans his sidekick wolf.  I do however think that Channing Tatum was a terrible choice for Duke and can only hope that if there is a sequel, that Mr. Sommers will get a better actor than Mummy Tatum.

Before any of you say a fucking word about how it looks, or how lame it seems, please do me a favor and shut the fuck up.  This is a movie you have to watch and have fun with!  Our economy sucks, and Our president is getting a low approval rating, so why not watch so non stop action and just have fun?  After watching Funny People, I deff. needed to see something like this!

Overall rating ( * * * )

-Mr. What?-

Funny People ( 2009 )

Starring: Adam Sandler, Seth Rogen, Jonah Hill, Eric Bana & Jason Schwartzman

Directed by Judd Apatow

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1201167/

    DO NOT let the title of this movie fool you.  It has funny people in it, but thats about all you're gonna get.  The running time for this movie did not help considering how slllllloooooooowwwwwww paced and emo it was.  

Our story involves a big movie star named George Simmons.  We learn that George (Sandler) has a rare disease and can't be cured with anyhting but experimental medication from Canada.  Now enter Ira Wright.  Ira (Rogen) is a struggling Improv comedian who works in a Deli and sleeps on his roommates couch.

One night during a show George shows up to do some improv and totally bombs.  Ira follows up George's act and lights up George with some decent insults.  After hearing this, and having a small run in with Ira, George asks Ira to write jokes for him.  After some terrible scenes that just seemed to drag on, and on we learn that George might be cured of his disease.  Get this folks....this all happens with over an hour of the film left.

To me this is one main problem with the movie.  It never really got going and just limped along with limited reults.  You never get to see the full potential of ANY OF THE CAST MEMBERS!!!!!  For fucks sake it's got Jonah Hill, and Seth Rogen in it!  Neither of the 2 seemed happy with the role, and never got to show how good they are.  There are a couple of scenes with some decent one liners and good slams, but that gets put into the back seat for George's ongoing drama.

I really had expected more.  You got a solid stable full of FUNNY PEOPLE, but it turns out to be a fucking Dramedy.  No hardcore laughs, dragging plot line, and a fucking lame Trip to Northern California ruined this movie for me.  I would say to Mr. Apatow that he needs to ditch the drama bullshit and stick to comedy.  

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1201167/

Overall rating  ( * * )

-Mr. What?-