Laid To Rest - DVD (2009)

Director: Robert Hall
Starring: Bobbi Sue Luther & Nick Principe
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1228933/

 This was a fucking terrible movie. I saw it at the local video store and spent money to rent it....Bad Idea. I can honestly say that Uwe Boll has a partner in crime now. Mr. Hall has totally bored me into a coma with a lack of plot, back story, acting, shooting style, everything involved is just so goddamn awful. It should be said that if you as the viewer, want to waste the money to rent this....then by all means waste your money...

 The only thing i can say about the movie is a brief story about it. Woman wakes up in a coffin, is being stalked by a killer named Chromeskull who, armed with a camera on shoulder kills people and tapes the deaths.

 The killer, is the typical silent and indestructible type. He's masked, of course, though his chrome skull is fairly memorable, especially in scenes when his victims' faces are reflected in the forehead area. He also likes to perch a camcorder on his right shoulder to record his mayhem, and his collection of videos is fairly extensive. All in all, ChromeSkull is a well-conceived slasher and definitely creepy.

 Playing the role of the "Final Girl" is Bobbi Sue Luther, who also serves as one of the movie's producers. The Girl, as she's referred to in the credits even though other characters christen her Princess, is an amnesiac, having suffered an injury to her head, and the film's opening finds her trapped in a coffin at a mortuary. Managing to break free, she finds herself stalked by ChromeSkull, enlisting the help of several local guys to help save her, and of course, serve as fodder for ChromeSkull's weapon of choice, large serrated knives.

 And yes, ChromeSkull's kills, proportioned out fairly evenly through the movie's running time, are suitably bloody and vicious. Music is provided by the likes of Suicidal Tendencies and Deadbox, if that tells you anything about the tone of Laid to Rest. All in all, it's an aggressive movie. one of the many drawbacks is that the movie contrives a lot of convenient coincidences to keep the plot rolling. Neither person in the first two homes that The Girl goes to for help, for instance, have working telephones(!!). And, of course, the movie is set in the middle of nowhere and yet characters are driving around in vehicles that are nearly empty of gas. Et cetera. Et cetera.

 and thats just a taste.

overall review *1/2

- Mr. What?

Splinter - DVD (2008)

Director: Toby Wilkins
Starring: Shea Whigham, Paulo Costanzo, Jill Wagner & Rachel Kerbs
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1031280/

 A young couple retreats to the wilderness for a romantic camping weekend, but the trip quickly spirals into a nightmare when they are carjacked by an escaped convict and his girlfriend.
Thrown together by chance, no one can imagine the terrifying horror that awaits the couples at a...get this....remote gas station..

 OK I know this sounds really dumb and sci-fi channel'ish
but trust me....it's not bad. Turns out that a Splinter virus takes over the host body..and well....yeah. I really don't want to give tooooo much away, but this is a must if you're a fan of isolated virus movies...that involve splinters. You know, it never ceases to amaze me what ideas can be put into a
horror movie. My initial response was a huge "NOOOOOOOOOO" but it really wasn't that bad. The acting was decent, the plot was kinda dumb, but funny...and the gore was there in buckets....

overall rating * * *

- Mr. What?

The Burrowers - DVD (2008)

Director: J.T. Petty
Starring: Doug Hutchinson, Clancy Brown, Sean Patrick Thomas & Karl Geary
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0445939/

 The Dakota Territories. 1879. A handful of brave pioneers maintain isolated settlements in the badlands beyond civilization... OK stay with me kids it gets better... Fergus Coffey is getting closer to winning the hand of his sweetheart Maryanne when....wait for it....SHE IS SUDDENLY TAKEN FROM HIM!!
Plus to make it worse, Maryanne's family is brutally abducted in a nighttime attack on her homestead. So of course the suspicion falls upon the only thing possible of doing a crime like this..Indians. Now get ready for some fun and enter Will Parcher and John Clay. Experienced Indian Fighters (no joke)who
form a posse and set out to rescue the kidnapped settlers.. It must be noted that this is a movie which seems kinda lame at first but gets good fairly quick. So off go our hero's taking along an idiot teenager hoping to prove himself a man,
an ex-slave looking for his place, and their ranch hand Coffey.
BUT..... as men begin to vanish into the night, and some pretty gory evidence accumulates with the dead and the dying, the guys discover that their prey is far more terrifying than anything human, and their prospects are far more terrible than death...

 I really dug this flick. Yes it was kinda cheesy at times, but hey man it was a decent ORIGINAL horror movie. I think the only thing i would suggest to people is this....
Do not watch this movie if you had any sort of dental surgery.
I did and tripped out on it. I kept checking the mounds of dirt
my dog was digging at just to be safe....

overall rating * * * 1/2

- Mr. What?

Teeth - DVD (2007)

Director: Mitchell Lichtenstein
Starring: Jess Weixler
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0780622/

 Man. First lemme say that the rumors are true. The woman has teeth in her Vagina. The Story however, is pretty good and a nice refreshing take on Horror.

 Our story begins in a nice little Suburb in which 2 young children are playing in a pool. The youngest Dawn (Jess Weixler)
is getting used to the idea of an older perverted step brother named Brad (John Hensley). Brad is then "bitten" by dawns private area on an attempt to molest her, sending dawn into a catatonic state.... Fast forward 10 years later and we see dawn in High school. Still reeling from the past, dawn goes day to day not understanding why she has shark teeth in her vagina, and who to tell. Now it must be noted that the movie is a bit slow in parts, and does seem to drag on, but trust me.....It is worth the rental price... One part that sent me to the floor laughing was the attempted rape on Dawn. You don't see much at first, but wow....when you do it comes at you hard and bloody...pardon the pun...

 I really felt that this was a movie that should have had more publicity. The acting was a decent B+, the script and idea of a tooth filled vagina was enough for me to give it a chance. Overall I would suggest a rent first and if you like it buy it

final rating: * * *

- Mr. What?

Pride And Glory - DVD (2008)

Director: Gavin O'Conner
Starring: Colin Farrel, Edward Norton & Jon Voight
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0482572/
Buy It On Amazon!

 A story about a family of cops. Norton ends up investigating a scandal to find out his brother-in-law is involved.

 We had the trailer for this at my theater, but for whatever reason never ran the film. SO when I saw it up for rent I had to snag it. Jon Voight is as amazing as always. Seeing two great actors like him and Edward Norton together was pretty cool. As for the film itself, it's your basic cop-drama. They don't really bring anything new to the table, but if you like that kind of film you will like this one, it's done well.

Verdict: * * *

- Al B. Damned

Obsessed (2009)

Director: Steve Shill
Starring: Idris Elba, Beyonce Knowles & Ali Larter
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1198138/

 Married man Derek gets a new temp at work. She crushes on him a little too much and decides to become a full fledged stalker.

 Being billed around work as "Fatal Attraction 2" this one here falls way short of ANY film of that kind. Makes no sense why she is so psycho. He never even boned her. The film is way too long, clocking in at almost 2 hours with nothing to show for it. Everyone cheers for Beyonce as she does her pissed off black woman act, but when it comes down to it she drops the ball and pusses out in the climax. The movie is pretty weak and should have been straight to DVD, if it should have been made at all.

Verdict: *

- Al B. Damned

The Soloist (2009)

Director: Joe Wright
Starring: Robert Downey Jr. & Jamie Foxx
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0821642/

 Robert Downey Jr. is a writer for the Los Angeles Times. While searching for a story he meets a homeless schizophrenic musician played by Jamie Foxx. Over the course of the film he becomes his friend as he writes about him and tries to help him.

 The movie is decent, but somehow I expected more. I like the story and the music and at times it is moving. There were too many parts I found myself drifting away though. It couldn't keep me glued throughout the film. If you're looking for a touching drama this week, this will be the film to see.

Verdict: ***

- Al B. Damned

Earth (2007)

Director: Alestair Fothergill & Mark Linfield
Starring: James Earl Jones
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0393597/

 Documentary made by Disney being re-released today to celebrate Earth Day.

 Fun documentary with James Earl Jones doing the narration. Beautifully shot. Interesting and fun enough I don't think the kids will get too bored with the hour and forty minute run time. Besides... it's Earth Day. Go check it out.

Verdict: * * *

- Al B. Damned

17 Again (2009)

Director: Burr Steers
Starring: Zac Efron, Leslie Mann, Matthew Perry, Thomas Lennon & Michelle Trachtenberg
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0974661/

 This guy decides his life is lame and wants to do it over, he wakes up and is 17 again, the age he was when he felt he was on top of the world.

 This is the kind of lame plot you see done again and again every few years. You would expect this to be a made for teevee movie on the family channel or something. I was actually surprised and half-ass enjoyed part of it.

 Mike O'Donnell wakes up 17 again, but it is now not 1989. He becomes friends with his son and is still trying to hit on his wife. His son finds it weird his friends crushing on his mom. His daughter. Michelle Trachtenberg, ends up trying to get with him... and it turns out she's a freak! Pretty funny stuff. Thomas Lennon plays Mike's best friend and is damned hilarious as the geek in school that became rich. Still maybe not worth the cash to shell out for theaters, but definitely worth a see.

Verdict: * * *

- Al B. Damned

Crank: High Voltage (2009)

Director: Mark Neveldine & Brian Taylor
Starring: Jason Statham, Amy Smart, David Carradine & Dwight Yoakum
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1121931/

 Chev Chelios is back. Taking place about 3 months? after the first film we catch up to him as he is falling from a helicopter. Then someone steals his heart. He then sets out to get it back.

 Quite absurd and unbelievable, but entertaining as all hell. This takes everything up a notch from the first Crank film. More sex, more violence, more everything. Cameos galore, so keep your eyes open. I'm going to have to see it a second time to try and spot everyone. It's everything you expect. Not as good as the first, but definitely more over the top. So it's still worth your hard earned cash.

Verdict: * * *

- Al B. Damned

Hannah Montana: The Movie (2009)

Director: Peter Chelsom
Starring: Miley Cyrus, Billy Ray Cyrus & Emily Osment
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1114677/

 Based on the tv series, Miley Cyrus plays Miley Stewart who is secretly pop-star Hannah Montana. She keeps it a secret because she wants "the best of both worlds", to be a super-star and a normal girl. In the film she let's "Hannah" go to her head and becomes a real bitch. So daddy decides to put her career on hold and take her back to her down home country roots.

 If your a fan of the show you'll dig it. It's got some funy scenes. Her acting like a nut and getting in a fight with has-been Tyra Banks. Other than the the movie sucked. More Taylor Swift... if you've read my blogs you know I hate her, and when she goes back home and her family has a country jam it's fucking Rascall Flats!!! WTF!!! On her show her Aunt was Aunt Dolly. Dolly fucking Parton!!! That's what I had hoped to see, but she was nowhere to be found. Apparently they wrote her out of the script. A real disappointment.

Verdict: * *

- Al B. Damned

Observe And Report (2009)

Director: Jody Hill
Starring: Seth Rogen, Ray Liotta & Anna Faris
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1197628/

 Seth Rogen is a Mall-Cop whose mall is being terrorized by a flasher. He takes it upon himself to save the girl and the mall. Sounds like another "Mall-Cop" from the trailer and looks to be a bit funnier.

 Turns out it's much better. This movie was freakin' awesome. It is similar to "Mall-Cop" in some ways, but far superior. It takes the comedy that extra step. Turns out Seth's character is bipolar and gun-happy. The directorial style is amazing. Similar to some of the films from the late 70's early 80's that I'm fond of. I was told this was going to be like a comedic version of "Taxi Driver" by Martin Scorsese. It actually is. Seth delivers some lines that will totally make you think of Travis. Definitely run to the theater and watch this now. You don't want to miss out on this one.

Verdict: * * * *

-Al B. Damned

Dragonball Evolution (2009)

Director: James Wong
Starring: Justin Chatwin, Yun-Fat Chow, Emmy Rossum & James Marsters
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1098327/

 A boy, Goku, turns 18 and must set out to find the 7 dragonballs to stop evil Lord Piccolo. Based on the cartoon series.

 I remember watching the Dragonball cartoon in the mid-90's I think... I dug it. It's been a while and my memory was rusty, but this seems pretty cool. More or less has the same idea going on. It's got a lot of fun action sequences. James Marsters totally surprised me as Piccolo. Hated the chick playing Bulma though. Worth checking out, I'd wait for the video.

Verdict: * * *

- Al B. Damned

Adventureland (2009)

Director: Greg Mottola
Starring: Jesse Eisenberg, Kristen Stewart & Ryan Reynolds
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1091722/

 1987. A Young graduate is getting ready to take his summer abroad to go get some foreign pussy, because he's too much of a nerd to get it at home and foreigners apparently put out. I mean... they must or every single movie would not revolve around guys going abroad to get laid. Right? Anyway, dad loses his job and can't help pay for the trip, so instead he has to stay home and get a job at a crappy amusement park.

 The trailer led me to believe this would be a total laugh riot. It's not, but I think I liked it as much. It's got plenty of laughs, but it's part comedy part coming of age drama. Kristen Stewart, doing much better here than in Twilight, is getting it on with the creepy old married guy that plays guitar (Ryan Reynolds, Yay!) She meets James (Jesse Eisenberg) and they become friends and then more.

 This is a pretty good one. A lot of great music that really takes you back. It's got the laughs, the love, all the elements of a good film. Go check it out!

Verdict: * * *

- Al B. Damned

Fast & Furious (2009)

Director: Justin Lin
Starring: Vin Diesel, Paul Walker, Jordanna Brewster & Michelle Rodriguez
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1013752/

 Fast cars and such... really... that's the plot.

 The original cast is back for the 4th installment of th franchise... really? Why not just say The Fast & The Furious 4? C'mon... 2 Fast 2 Furious, The Fast & The Furious... now just Fast & Furious. Pretty fucking lame. It's getting ridiculous, why is everyone afraid to call a sequel a sequel?

 Anyway this one gets more absurd than the others... the original cast is back, One of them dies. Vin Diesel goes home and proves to everyone he's turned into some kind of superhuman. Catching car engines with a single hand, dodging bullets, etc. Wait... he got hit with a bullet once... didn't even flinch. Seriously? Lame.

 At least this time around it had a few American muscle cars in it instead of these Tokyo drifters. I just don't see the appeal of these films. If you wanna see a bunch of pretty boys flying around in some silly looking cars then this is for you. Otherwise steer clear and go get some Bullit or Smokey & The Bandit for some real car chases.

Verdict: * *

- Al B. Damned

Race To Witch Mountain (2009)

Director: Andy Fickman
Starring: Dwayne Johnson, AnnaSophia Robb, Alexander Ludwig & Carla Gugino
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1075417/

 The Rock is a cabbie in Las Vegas and in the middle of a sci-fi convention some alien kids crash land near sin city and enlist his aid to get back to their ship.

 I don't really remember much of the originals, so I can't say how much this re-make holds true to them, but this was a fun family friendly kind of film. Lots of action and laughs. Worth checking out.

Verdict: * * *

- Al B. Damned

Goosebumps "Return Of The Mummy" & "The Scarecrow Walks At Midnight" DVD's

Goosebumps "Return Of The Mummy" DVD

Featured Episodes: Return Of The Mummy, Don't Wake The Mummy & You Can't Scare Me!


Goosebumps "The Scarecrow Walks At Midnight" DVD

Featured Episodes: The Scarecrow Walks At Midnight, Don't Go To Sleep & Calling All Creeps

New pair of Goosebumps DVD's re-releasing old episodes of the show. Good show for kids I guess. I was too old for it when it came out.

On the first disc, "Return of the Mummy" and "Don't Wake the Mummy" were both fun and the Mummy looked kind of cool compared to a lot of the monsters on this show. "You Can't Scare Me!" was lame. The monster sucked and so did the story.

On the second disc, "The Scarecrow Walks At Midnight" is good, but does not compare to the comic adaptation I read of the same story. The comic version had a total old Warren magazine kind of feel. This show was just too watered down for the kiddies. "Don't Go To Sleep" kind of reminded me of a kiddy version of an old episode of "Freddy's Nightmares". Lame story but fun dream-style direction. "Calling All Creeps" was alright too... liked the ending. This was the better disc out of the two.

Neither of the two discs contain any special features whatsoever. Which is kind of lame, but still the price is only Ten bucks, so it ain't too bad.

Verdict: * * *

- Al B. Damned