Starring: Kristen Stewart, Robert Pattinson, Billy Burke, Anna Kendrick, & Tayor Lautner
Directed By Chris Weitz
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1259571/
First off Let me say that this movie was Horrible. I felt like chopping my dick off, and throwing it into the river after viewing this film. I painfully watched Twilight and couldn't stop rolling my eyes. Vampires who walk amongst the midst & Sparkled, no blood or gore, and massive undead virginity issues made for a solid laugh. That is, until the rest of the nation fell under the Twilight spell.
Everywhere you looked Twilight was there. Grocery Stores, Malls, Clothing Stores, ETC, ETC. At first I just ignored it, but after having 3-4 tweens get into my face about my views I decided to fight back with Harsher words and Semi-Violence. Team Cullen gear was everywhere and being shoved onto the word despite the Massive Outrage from the Horror Movie Community.
Alot of Movies had a newish spin on Vampires, but nothing as lame as Twilight. Maybe it was because of the authors Religious beliefs ( Mormon ), or The fact that Hollywood needed something to fill the void of The Harry Potter Series, I don't know for sure. What I do know is that Twilight was, and still is Hated and Loved World wide.
As I geared up for the review, I knew that I had to be open minded and non-biased against this movie as I am with every movie I review. As far as the story goes for New Moon.......Bella and Edward are "in love" and happy. Alice ( edwards sister ) throws Bella a party for her 18th birthday. All is fine until Bella cuts her finger while trying to cut some cake and sends a Cullen family member into a blood lust and attacks Bella. Fearing the the Worst Edward packs up the clan and moves out of Forks Washington for Bella's safety....
Here is where the movie tanked. Bella spends too much time being EMO and hating life. It felt like watching a love story on morphine. The lighting, acting, and sets took on this cheesy wannabe dark tone, and left the viewer longing for a fight, or some hate sex. Then along comes Jacob. Dark and full of mystery, Bella begins a friendship with him and his secret as a.....you guessed it...a werewolf. Jacob was another letdown. Maybe it's me, but seeing Sharkboy try to be seductive was anything but hot. I did see a gay couple cuddle during Jacobs scenes, and made me think.......Could this guy ever star in a Gay Porn?
The rest of the movie is....well, really bad. If you read the books and hated Twilight the movie, then this will be the same amount of Bullshit. Alot was left out for the movie adaptation. I often found myself asking "is this based off of New Moon the book, or some lose version made into a crappy movie for tweens?" Nothing about this movie was made for anybody over the age of 12. Yes, there is some decent fighting, but too much of the movie is spent with Bella acting bummed out and dreary.
All in All this was a total waste of money and time. If you must witness this film in theaters the please be warned: This movie is slow and boring.
Overall Rating ( * )
Mr. What?
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