Starring, Christoper Lloyd, Elisabeth Shue, Ving Rhames, Richard Dreyfuss, Eli Roth, Jerry O' Connell, Steven R. McQueen, & Jessica Szohr
Directed By Alexandre Aja
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0464154/
If you came to see the next Avatar in 3D adventure, well you are totally out of place. Piranha 3D is nothing more than a great splatter movie in 3D. Not Too much sex, but with all of the half nude bodies, Gruesome Gore and attacks and seemingly endless bare boobs and big booty's, it almost seemed like a miracle this movie was released. to the naked eye, it looked like there were almost no R rated movies this summer, and the only one that got any sort of attention was that overbloated, thin story The Expendables.
Piranha 3D is a remake from of the 70's camp classic directed by Joe Dante. In the current state, or lack of, Good remakes, P3D slides past the rest and leads the pack. To say that director Alexandre Aja has a nack for turning stomachs, is to put it lightly. With P3D you get a typical Spring Break crowd being devastated by prehistoric fish, with plenty of 3D Boob shots and Blood in it's wake.
The story is simple. A crack opens at the bottom of a lake, releasing thousands of prehistoric fish hellbent on tearing apart anything in their way. As usual the town has no idea what is about to happen, nor do they seem to care when warned almost at gunpoint by the local law Enforcement. Maybe it's better that way. I really enjoyed watching your typical MTV beach crowd be torn to ribbons.
The cast was, in my opinion, spot on for the film. E. Shue reminded me of her AIB days, jumping all over the place, and not affraid to get dirty. Ving Rhames was great as the Deputy sidekick, and both Jerry O' Connell, and Eli Roth stole the show as a sleazy Girls gone Wild type director, and a cheesy spring break DJ. Both of their deaths are great and bloody, but O' Connell's character has a little something for your pervasive 3D gorehound.
Overall i felt that P3D did exactly what it had set out to do. You will walk away from this movie either laughing at some stuff, or shaking your head at some of the story. Either way, you will not be let down.
Mr. What? ( * * * )
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
Monday, September 6, 2010
Machete ( 2010 )
Starring: Danny Trejo, Robert De Niro, Jeff Fahey, Jessica Alba, Michelle Rodriguez, Steven Seagal, Cheech Marin, Don Johnson, & Lindsey Lohan
Directed By Ethan Maniquis & Robert rodriguez
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0985694/
Often we complain that trailers give away the whole plots of upcoming movies, but I don’t expect that to be the case with “Machete.” The film began as a trailer, you see -- or, more technically, a spoof trailer sandwiched between the larger parts of the 2007 portmanteau movie “Grindhouse.”
That quite funny clip ran about two-and-a-half minutes and featured Danny Trejo, the tough-guy actor with the face like a walnut shell, as a former Mexican law enforcement officer hired to assassinate a Texas politician. Double-crossed by the folks who gave him the job, Machete launches an all-out assault on his betrayers, abetted by a shotgun-wielding priest (Cheech Marin) and an army of illegal immigrant day laborers. (Yes, you really can tell all that from the original trailer; maybe it did reveal too much....)
Now Robert Rodriguez, who directed that spoof trailer, and Ethan Maniquis, his frequent editor, have combined to turn the original brief joke into a feature film, fleshing out the story, adding characters and subplots, and turning what was, in effect, a barroom jest into a full-fledged narrative.
In a sense, its origin makes a special case of “Machete” -- you can’t criticize a movie for being thin on plot or cartoonish or ridiculous, after all, when it has its seed in a parody of an ad for an over-the-top exploitation picture. That said, Rodriguez has so often been so slipshod in deploying his talents and indulging his sometimes sophomoric tastes that it’s possible, in theory at least, that he might swing and miss at even this slowly lobbed pitch and turn it into a tiresome one-note joke like “Snakes on a Plane” -- with blades instead of fangs.
Happily, Rodriguez has mostly avoided his own worst tendencies. You wouldn’t call “Machete” a well-made movie -- it’s sloppily crafted, silly, self-satisfied. But it provides, more or less, everything that the original trailer promised: lurid action, gratuitous nudity, absurd humor and the glaring, taciturn Trejo, who can’t act, exactly, but sure can signify. This is, in effect, the film that “The Expendables” wishes it were: raw, macho, funny, up-tempo and disposable in the best possible sense.
The full-length “Machete” adds dimensions that the spoof trailer couldn’t contain. There’s a (fairly muddled) political story about a state senator (Robert De Niro, milking a cheesy Texas drawl with glee) running on an anti-immigration platform and engineering a fake assassination attempt to boost his bona fides. There are two women of Mexican descent: a taco vendor (Michelle Rodriguez) who serves as a kind of Harriet Tubman for immigrants and an border agent (Jessica Alba) who wants to shut down the other gal’s network. There’s an uber-villain (Steven Seagal) who runs the Mexican drug trade and has been trying to kill Machete for years. And there’s a vigilante (Don Johnson) who’s willing to execute anyone to secure Texan sovereignty.
If this sounds like a lot of potentially heavy stuff for an action picture, rest assured that the political satire and commentary merely provide backdrop for flying bullets, swinging blades, spurting arteries, naked babes, and tough-guy one-liners (“Machete don’t text” is tattoo-worthy). The film takes absolutely wild-eyed delight in viscera, gore and grotesquerie (to wit, one poor fellow’s intestine is used as an escape rope, while another man is quite explicitly crucified). Not only doesn’t “Machete” have good taste, it has never heard of good taste.
But what “Machete” does have -- and what saves it from itself -- is comic bloodthirst, shameless vulgarity and the determination of Rodriguez and Maniquis to wink at their audience at every moment (anyone who casts Seagal these days is surely engaged in facetiae of a high order). You can’t always count on Rodriguez to get the balance of lunacy, competence and coherence right. But here he more or less gives you exactly what you were looking for: 100 or so minutes as bloody, excessive and ridiculous as those initial 150 or so seconds.
( * * * )
Mr. What?
Directed By Ethan Maniquis & Robert rodriguez
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0985694/
Often we complain that trailers give away the whole plots of upcoming movies, but I don’t expect that to be the case with “Machete.” The film began as a trailer, you see -- or, more technically, a spoof trailer sandwiched between the larger parts of the 2007 portmanteau movie “Grindhouse.”
That quite funny clip ran about two-and-a-half minutes and featured Danny Trejo, the tough-guy actor with the face like a walnut shell, as a former Mexican law enforcement officer hired to assassinate a Texas politician. Double-crossed by the folks who gave him the job, Machete launches an all-out assault on his betrayers, abetted by a shotgun-wielding priest (Cheech Marin) and an army of illegal immigrant day laborers. (Yes, you really can tell all that from the original trailer; maybe it did reveal too much....)
Now Robert Rodriguez, who directed that spoof trailer, and Ethan Maniquis, his frequent editor, have combined to turn the original brief joke into a feature film, fleshing out the story, adding characters and subplots, and turning what was, in effect, a barroom jest into a full-fledged narrative.
In a sense, its origin makes a special case of “Machete” -- you can’t criticize a movie for being thin on plot or cartoonish or ridiculous, after all, when it has its seed in a parody of an ad for an over-the-top exploitation picture. That said, Rodriguez has so often been so slipshod in deploying his talents and indulging his sometimes sophomoric tastes that it’s possible, in theory at least, that he might swing and miss at even this slowly lobbed pitch and turn it into a tiresome one-note joke like “Snakes on a Plane” -- with blades instead of fangs.
Happily, Rodriguez has mostly avoided his own worst tendencies. You wouldn’t call “Machete” a well-made movie -- it’s sloppily crafted, silly, self-satisfied. But it provides, more or less, everything that the original trailer promised: lurid action, gratuitous nudity, absurd humor and the glaring, taciturn Trejo, who can’t act, exactly, but sure can signify. This is, in effect, the film that “The Expendables” wishes it were: raw, macho, funny, up-tempo and disposable in the best possible sense.
The full-length “Machete” adds dimensions that the spoof trailer couldn’t contain. There’s a (fairly muddled) political story about a state senator (Robert De Niro, milking a cheesy Texas drawl with glee) running on an anti-immigration platform and engineering a fake assassination attempt to boost his bona fides. There are two women of Mexican descent: a taco vendor (Michelle Rodriguez) who serves as a kind of Harriet Tubman for immigrants and an border agent (Jessica Alba) who wants to shut down the other gal’s network. There’s an uber-villain (Steven Seagal) who runs the Mexican drug trade and has been trying to kill Machete for years. And there’s a vigilante (Don Johnson) who’s willing to execute anyone to secure Texan sovereignty.
If this sounds like a lot of potentially heavy stuff for an action picture, rest assured that the political satire and commentary merely provide backdrop for flying bullets, swinging blades, spurting arteries, naked babes, and tough-guy one-liners (“Machete don’t text” is tattoo-worthy). The film takes absolutely wild-eyed delight in viscera, gore and grotesquerie (to wit, one poor fellow’s intestine is used as an escape rope, while another man is quite explicitly crucified). Not only doesn’t “Machete” have good taste, it has never heard of good taste.
But what “Machete” does have -- and what saves it from itself -- is comic bloodthirst, shameless vulgarity and the determination of Rodriguez and Maniquis to wink at their audience at every moment (anyone who casts Seagal these days is surely engaged in facetiae of a high order). You can’t always count on Rodriguez to get the balance of lunacy, competence and coherence right. But here he more or less gives you exactly what you were looking for: 100 or so minutes as bloody, excessive and ridiculous as those initial 150 or so seconds.
( * * * )
Mr. What?
Saturday, August 14, 2010
The Expendables (2010)
Starring: Sylvester Stallone, Jason Statham, Jet Li, Dolph Lundgren, Mickey Rourke, Terry Crews, Randy Couture, and Steve Austin
Directed By Sylvester Stallone
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1320253/
Before anybody goes to this movie be warned. The commercials with Arnold, Bruce, and Sly is only a bit scene, and nothing more. Which, to me, is better that way. Stallone once again proves that age is nothing but a number. Yes, he used some stunt guys and some rough camera work to hide it, but you really have to look or be anal about it to really notice.
Also, the story and acting could be a little better, but only by a little. The Expendables delivered at almost every level possible. High Octane action, well choreographed fights, and buckets blood and piles of human goo. The whole movie reminded me of a total action flick for men and women. You had the macho manly man man, and nice bodies for the women to "glance" at. Hahaha.
When I attended the Screening I was surrounded by Jocks, Emo Kids, Scenesters, and about 38 women. At times I felt a bit nervous about these different camps being under the same roof. On any given day this woudl've been a total nightmare, but as suprising at it sounds, not one sound could be heard. Well, except for cheers and ooo's and ahhh's.
The story is pretty simple. Barney Ross ( Stallone ) heads up a team of Mercs. that would more or less destroy anything alive, and from the opening gun fight scene you get an idea as to whats in store. After a recent Job Barney is approached by the mysterious Mr. Church ( Willis ) about a high risk job on an island. Ross accepts, and heads out to get the job done.
Thats it. Nothing new or Old, just an in between story, and ALOT of chaos and destruction. Personally though, it was what this summer needed. So far this summer there have been maybe 2 or 3 R rated movies in a sea of PG-13 movies. It was nice not to see yet another movie sellout at the last minute for a lesser rating ( cough cough The Other Guys cough ) like everybody seems to be doing.
What I really like about the Expendables were 2 things. The Cast, and the fights. What better way to than to get a trained cage fighter ( Couture ) and a former Pro Wrestler ( Austin ) to fight it out on the big screen and totally sell it? Well, Stallone as director did. The Cast is the real heart of The Expandables. Ranging in age from Late 30's to early 60's, The Expendables showed us that even middle aged men and so called Dinosaurs can whip any action star out there who wasn't in the film.
C'mon look at how much beef was in this movie. It made me think of the days when you saw these stars names, you know the movie was going to have some sort of manly action, as opposed to this emo Scott Pilgrim bullshit. After all, there is only so much of this Kiddie movie crap one can stomach, and after a summer of totall bullshit movies, it was nice to see some dick and balss at the movies.
( * * *)
Mr. What
Directed By Sylvester Stallone
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1320253/
Before anybody goes to this movie be warned. The commercials with Arnold, Bruce, and Sly is only a bit scene, and nothing more. Which, to me, is better that way. Stallone once again proves that age is nothing but a number. Yes, he used some stunt guys and some rough camera work to hide it, but you really have to look or be anal about it to really notice.
Also, the story and acting could be a little better, but only by a little. The Expendables delivered at almost every level possible. High Octane action, well choreographed fights, and buckets blood and piles of human goo. The whole movie reminded me of a total action flick for men and women. You had the macho manly man man, and nice bodies for the women to "glance" at. Hahaha.
When I attended the Screening I was surrounded by Jocks, Emo Kids, Scenesters, and about 38 women. At times I felt a bit nervous about these different camps being under the same roof. On any given day this woudl've been a total nightmare, but as suprising at it sounds, not one sound could be heard. Well, except for cheers and ooo's and ahhh's.
The story is pretty simple. Barney Ross ( Stallone ) heads up a team of Mercs. that would more or less destroy anything alive, and from the opening gun fight scene you get an idea as to whats in store. After a recent Job Barney is approached by the mysterious Mr. Church ( Willis ) about a high risk job on an island. Ross accepts, and heads out to get the job done.
Thats it. Nothing new or Old, just an in between story, and ALOT of chaos and destruction. Personally though, it was what this summer needed. So far this summer there have been maybe 2 or 3 R rated movies in a sea of PG-13 movies. It was nice not to see yet another movie sellout at the last minute for a lesser rating ( cough cough The Other Guys cough ) like everybody seems to be doing.
What I really like about the Expendables were 2 things. The Cast, and the fights. What better way to than to get a trained cage fighter ( Couture ) and a former Pro Wrestler ( Austin ) to fight it out on the big screen and totally sell it? Well, Stallone as director did. The Cast is the real heart of The Expandables. Ranging in age from Late 30's to early 60's, The Expendables showed us that even middle aged men and so called Dinosaurs can whip any action star out there who wasn't in the film.
C'mon look at how much beef was in this movie. It made me think of the days when you saw these stars names, you know the movie was going to have some sort of manly action, as opposed to this emo Scott Pilgrim bullshit. After all, there is only so much of this Kiddie movie crap one can stomach, and after a summer of totall bullshit movies, it was nice to see some dick and balss at the movies.
( * * *)
Mr. What
Friday, July 9, 2010
Predators (2010)
Starring: Adrien Brody, Topher Grace, Alice Braga, Walton Goggins, Oleg Taktarov, Laurence Fishburn, & Danny Trejo
Directed By Nimrod Antel
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1424381/
In a summer-blockbuster season that thus far offers one instant classic ("Toy Story 3"), a handful of forgettable pleasures and a stunning number of big-budget bombs, "Predators" earns more points than it might otherwise simply for stripping itself down to storytelling fundamentals.
The movie's a fairly successful attempt by producer Robert Rodriguez ("Sin City") and director Nimród Antal ("Kontroll") to recapture the no-nonsense glory of John McTiernan's 1987 action hit "Predator," which introduced the eponymous alien hunting human commandos in the jungle. (That glory was tarnished after Fox squandered its potentially great movie monster in a series of increasingly weak sequels -- the last one featuring a Predator lurking about in small-town Colorado.)
This time around, a clever premise takes the series back to its '87 basics. Mercenaries and criminals from across the Earth are (literally) dropped into an alien-jungle "game preserve" to be killed by a Predator hunting party. They try to survive while resisting the urge to turn on each other, with varying degrees of success. And that's pretty much it. The whole enterprise feels like a pretty decent, grim little lost-patrol mash-up of the original "Predator" and "Pitch Black" -- a perfectly fine night at the beer-theater, in other words.
While "Predators" isn't nearly as vivid or fresh as the original, it's certainly its strongest sequel. It's also a weird semi-nostalgia trip back to the days when Joel Silver ruled action cinema, when directors had the patience to lock their cameras down and calmly set up situations before blowing things up in comprehensible action beats -- all while quickly sketching a large "Aliens"-style action cast (this time using Adrien Brody, Laurence Fishburne, Walton Goggins, Alice Braga, Topher Grace and the great Danny Trejo, among others).
It's a little sad this summer has been so lame that I'm now turning to pretty-good '80s pastiches for my meat-and-potatoes action fix. Here's hoping Sly Stallone's "The Expendables" delivers along the same lines.
( * * * ) Mr. What?
Directed By Nimrod Antel
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1424381/
In a summer-blockbuster season that thus far offers one instant classic ("Toy Story 3"), a handful of forgettable pleasures and a stunning number of big-budget bombs, "Predators" earns more points than it might otherwise simply for stripping itself down to storytelling fundamentals.
The movie's a fairly successful attempt by producer Robert Rodriguez ("Sin City") and director Nimród Antal ("Kontroll") to recapture the no-nonsense glory of John McTiernan's 1987 action hit "Predator," which introduced the eponymous alien hunting human commandos in the jungle. (That glory was tarnished after Fox squandered its potentially great movie monster in a series of increasingly weak sequels -- the last one featuring a Predator lurking about in small-town Colorado.)
This time around, a clever premise takes the series back to its '87 basics. Mercenaries and criminals from across the Earth are (literally) dropped into an alien-jungle "game preserve" to be killed by a Predator hunting party. They try to survive while resisting the urge to turn on each other, with varying degrees of success. And that's pretty much it. The whole enterprise feels like a pretty decent, grim little lost-patrol mash-up of the original "Predator" and "Pitch Black" -- a perfectly fine night at the beer-theater, in other words.
While "Predators" isn't nearly as vivid or fresh as the original, it's certainly its strongest sequel. It's also a weird semi-nostalgia trip back to the days when Joel Silver ruled action cinema, when directors had the patience to lock their cameras down and calmly set up situations before blowing things up in comprehensible action beats -- all while quickly sketching a large "Aliens"-style action cast (this time using Adrien Brody, Laurence Fishburne, Walton Goggins, Alice Braga, Topher Grace and the great Danny Trejo, among others).
It's a little sad this summer has been so lame that I'm now turning to pretty-good '80s pastiches for my meat-and-potatoes action fix. Here's hoping Sly Stallone's "The Expendables" delivers along the same lines.
( * * * ) Mr. What?
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