Friday, September 25, 2009

Surrogates (2009)

Starring: Bruce Willis, Ving Rhames, Radha Mitchell,  Rosamund Pike & Boris Kodjoe
Directed by Jonathan Mostow
Any time any slightly new piece of technology comes along, you can count on allegorical science fiction adventure following quick on its heels, taking the basic idea and expanding it to ridiculous extremes in order to make a none to subtle point about the human condition. Sometimes about chocolate, but usually the human condition. All right, I’m lying about some of that.


The overreaction in “Surrogates” is based on the world of MySpace and Facebook and social networking in general. At some point in the near future, human beings have the ability to live vicariously through robot doppelgangers. They look the way their owners want them to look, sound the way their owners want them to sound and remove the possibilities of harm or embarrassments from life experiences. Which is to say they remove life from life experiences.


They’re also so addictive that, if the opening exposition is to be believed, 90% of the planet use them (which would make them the cheapest life-like humanoid robots ever), and use them so much they don’t bother leaving their homes or even their beds if they can help it. Second Life become First Life.



It’s a bit of a stretch (and by bit, I mean roughly airport runway) but that’s okay. A fair amount of suspension of disbelief is required for these sorts of things, to keep from wondering too much why anyone would be allowed to make the robots super strong for instance. Obviously it’s to make the action sequences as thrilling as possible, but the fact that there’s no better answer than that, while typical of the genre, shows right off the bat how much thought can be expected out of it.

FBI Special Agent Greer (Bruce Willis) hasn’t been outside of his own apartment in years, using his surrogate to investigate crimes, up to and including the first death of a person due to damage done to the surrogate. And not just any person, but the son of the surrogate’s inventor (James Cromwell).

The problem is of course technology interfering with human beings’ ability to actually communicate with one another. Which it can and does, even if not to the absurd extent sci-fi tends to take things in order to make its point. And just in case that point was not made abundantly clear within the first five minutes, director Jonathan Mostow (“Terminator 3”) and his screenwriters spend the next 85 minutes expounding on it. It’s not so much beating a dead horse as driving it into the ground.

Greer has been using his surrogate as way to separate himself from the pain of real life, specifically the loss of his son some years earlier in a car accident, as his wife (Rosamund Pike). The separation is gradually getting to him and he has begun to question, as the anti-surrogate revolutionaries have, if their idealized selves are worth the price.



Willis’ haggard face is maybe the films’ real saving grace. It perfectly sums up that price in one close-up. As his anxiety comes to the surface from trying to fit into the real world (after his surrogate is taken away) Willis is forced to cast aside his usual haughty coolness and manages to become interesting again. The filmmakers have gone to some trouble as well to tie his personal story with his wife into the overall plot, and it does work to some extent.

It also runs into the hard wall that is the overall plot. It’s not bad in and of itself; the villain is somewhat justified in what he’s doing, even if he’s gone off the deep end a bit. A villain who wants more than just villainy or power always makes a story better, and that’s more or less true of “Surrogates.” On the other hand, for his identity to remain secret as long as possible it requires Greer to be quite possibly the dumbest FBI agent in the world. Considering how easily he is lead around by the nose and has to have everything spelled out for him in big block letters, it’s a wonder he ever figures out what’s going on.


For most audiences that wouldn’t matter, they’ve just come for the action sequences where the surrogates jump around and keep going even after taking lots of damage. There’s only a few of those, unfortunately, and while well staged their probably not enough to sate the modern action film lover, even in such a short movie.


Sure it’s ham handed and shallow, with not enough panache to cover up all the spackle holding it together, but that’s okay. Underneath its typical Hollywood exterior there is a decent movie waiting quite a bit of which shines through. But so much else is just typical of the drama, it’s hard to summon any more enjoyment from it.

In fact, if any one word could sum up “Surrogates” it would be just that: typical. But you could do worse.
Overall Review ( * * * )
Mr. What?

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Pandorum (2009)

Starring: Dennis Quaid, Ben Foster, Cam Gigandet, Antje Traue, & Cung Le
Directed by Christian Alvart
Ok so here is the skinny.  2 Astronauts aboard an Ark ship awake from their Cryogenic tanks with memory loss.  No clue about who they are or what happened. As they search the ship for clues of origin, mission ( if any ), and other crew members, something is aboard the ship chasing them.  I don't want to give away what is chasing them, but I will say it's Mutants....In some way;)  Nothing original about the movie really, We've seen it before in Pitch Black, Aliens, and so forth, but at times there was a more savage feel than the others.  The only complaint I have is when the Mutants attack its like every other mutant/zombie survival film.  I missed the old days when it wasn't a big shoot em' up fest and you felt like you were there trying to survive.  Now days it's like everything goes into action mode and nobody runs out of ammo.  The SFX were pretty good and the acting was decent as well.  I was suprised with Mr Quaid though.  Finally he pulled the stick out of his ass and decided to play decent roles.  I mean G.I. Joe will always be Ambers bane of life, but I felt he did a good job, and with Pandorum...well....it was like watching him in the 80s with Jaws 3, and Dreamscape.  All in all folks Pandorum wasn't a bad flick at all, it just needed to lax off of the corny action thats all.
Overall rating ( * * * )
Mr. What?

Friday, September 18, 2009

Jennifer's Body (2009)

Starring: Megan Fox, Amanda Seyfried, Johnny Simmons, & Adam Brody
Directed by Karyn Kusama
Here's how to explain Jennifer's Body.... It's like Juno, but with a Horror movie twist.  I shit you not.  The only thing different is instead a little preggo chick being all indie rock we have a Mindless hot chick who has a craving for young men.  All of the lingo, and Reff. to pop culture  (Myspace, Maroon 5, Vagisil, and The Bowflex) were just the same as In Juno.  Maybe because Diablo Cody wanted to write a horror film, but at times it got really fucking lame.  It's bad enough I had to hear Juno repeated word for word by the bag kids at work, and now here is round 2.  I wanna also say that if you're going to see this for Megan Fox, well........You're gonna be bummed.  She doesn't get naked, and has a weird semi-lesbo scene but that's about it. OK, now with all of that aside, the movie wasn't that bad.  Our tale takes place in a town called Devil's Kettle where ( of course ) Jennifer ( fox ) is being chased around by all  of the boys at her school.  Her BFF Needy ( Seyfied ) pampers to Jennifer's ego, and slut like lifestyle.  They have been friends since the sandbox, and will be that way forever.......That Is.....Until one night the 2 girls head over to a Local bar to catch an EMO band from the city Called Low Shoulder.  Trying to seduce the lead singer, Jennifer takes off in the van with the band and is gone into the night......The next morning everything seems OK but there's something different about Jennifer, and it's up to Needy to find out.  The movie isn't that bad in parts, but has it's breaking points.  For one there isn't any real gore.  If I go to see an R rated movie that has the word Gore in the rating details, well.....then bring it on.  Alot of cut aways, and cheap looking blood made me laugh.  Another is  the constant Diablo Cody lingo.  I would love to meet Ms. Diablo and ask where the fuck she came up with this crappy lingo.  I attended this movie with a bunch of HS aged kids, and after the film asked them what they liked and disliked.  They (kids) liked the story and some humor, but got tired of the Terms and sayings used by the actors.  They  felt that it was another Juno sans the original feel.  Another complaint I heard was about Megan Fox and her lack of acting.  Listen man, we all know she is just a body and face for hollywood to market to girls and boys everywhere, so just go with it and laugh. Ms. Fox played the easy Slut real well, but didn't pull off anything else.  I would've given this movie less stars, but man sometimes the humor was outstanding.  I just wish Diablo could leave the corny teen logo somwhere else and try again.....
Overall Rating ( * * * )
Mr. What?

Thursday, September 17, 2009

Zombieland (2009)

Zombieland (2009)

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1156398/

Director: Ruben Fleischer

Starring: Jesse Eisenberg, Woody Harrelson, Emma Stone & Abigail Breslin


 So, the world has been overrun by zombies. The same old story we've heard a thousand times over. One of the pluses of this film is they decided to skip past how it happened and jump right into the thick of it. It begins with Columbus (Jesse Eisenberg) fighting off some zombies in small town Texas while stating his basic rules of survival that he has mapped out. He hits the road hoping to go back home and find his family. Along the way he runs into a hero after my own heart, Tallahassee (Woody Harrelson) in the best role he's played since Mickey in Natural Born Killers. The two team up and do some road trip zombie killin' in search of other survivors and twinkies. They run into a couple girls who fuck them over the way that women do time and time again.

 This film is awesome. It gives you some good zombie blood and guts, lots of head smashes, full on comedic assault, all the action you need and the best damn cameo ever by Bill Murray. The only thing it lacked was a little more of the horror. Needed just a touch more suspense and thrills and it would have been a 5 * film. Out of all the films this Halloween season this seems the best to blow your bucks on. Hits theaters nationwide October 2nd. Mark your calenders, this is actually worth crawling out of your hole to go see.

Verdict: * * * * 1/2

- Al B. Damned

Saturday, September 12, 2009

Gamer (2009)

Starring: Gerard Butler, Michael C.Hall, John Leguizamo, Kyra Sedgwick, & Ludacris
Written and Directed by Brian Taylor & Mark Neveldine
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1034032/
Sorry this review is late, but I was really sick. Plus I didn't think Gamer would fit under the Outlaw Cinema criteria....I was wrong. If you liked Death Race, and Doomsday then you will love this flick. It has a revamped 70's Grindhouse feel like the the other two listed, oh and did I mention that the guys behind the Crank series wrote, and directed it? While alot of people loved what the Wachowski brothers did for Cinema with the Matrix saga, I favored the team of Taylor & Neveldine and their pure Crystal Meth fueled, Anarchy cinema classic Crank. My god when Chelios Fucked his girl in China Town.....Cinema Anarchy man... Gamer has the same feel. Gerard Butler has become the next big action hero, in my opinion. He has the Look, Body, Feel, and heart to fill in Ahnulds shoes. Yeah I said the same thing about The Rock, but Gerard was a total badass in 300, and when was the last time The Rock played one? Doom? Anyhow, here is the basic plot of the movie...GAMER is a high-concept action thriller set in a near future when gaming and entertainment have evolved into a terrifying new hybrid. Humans control other humans in mass-scale, multi-player online games: people play people...for keeps. Mind-control technology is widespread, and at the heart of the controversial games is its creator, reclusive billionaire Ken Castle (Michael C. Hall). His latest brainchild, the first-person shooter game "Slayers," allows millions to act out their most savage fantasies online in front of a global audience, using real prisoners as avatars with whom they fight to the death.

Kable (300's Gerard Butler) is the superstar and cult hero of the ultraviolent "Slayers." Kable is controlled by Simon, a young gamer with rock star status who continues to defy all odds by guiding Kable to victory each week. Taken from his family, imprisoned and forced to fight against his will, the modern day gladiator must survive long enough to escape the game to free his family, regain his identity and to save mankind from Castle's ruthless technology. And there you have it. Just like another film back in the day Called The Running Man. Yeah, it's kinda a ripoff of that, and some other movies, but at this point who the fuck cares? The acting is sub par in some scenes, but pretty decent in the next. At times the movie drags and sets you up for some obvious bloodshed, but once again who cares? Gamer is they type of movie that could be a huge summer hit, but then again could tank. I guess the only real bad thing I can say about Gamer, is the name itself. Gamer. When I hear that word I think of my ex-roommate who used to geek out to any Final Fantasy game, or WOW. Locked away in a room with hot pockets you alone must defend the realm from the evil orcs, or battle Sephiroph...which ever one comes first;) Yeah not a great title for the movie, but hey like I said before who the fuck cares?
Overall rating ( * * * )
Mr. What?

Sorority Row ( 2009 )

Starring: Margo Harshman, Rumer Willis, Jaime Chung, Leah Pipes, & Audrina Patridge
Directed By Stewart Hendler
Yeah, Yeah, Yeah I've heard all of the same BS from everybody.  "this movie sucked, Ugh another dumb slasher flick?, Man are they ever going to do anything original?" Typical complaints from the same type of crowd, but what if we, as a collective could just tune them out?  Would that make you want to see this?  I did, and honestly liked it.  Sorority Row is nothing new and amazing, but holds it own in a Grindhouse way.  There are plenty of Boobs and Gore, but it's the attitude and guts this movie has that made me like it.  The plot is simple, and we've seen it before.  A group of sorority sisters try to cover up the death of their house-sister after a prank gone wrong, only to be stalked by a serial killer.
Yeah Just like IKWYDLS and kind like Black X-mas combined, but not as lame and cheesy.
Gone are the 90's aspects of These types of horror movies.  Famous faces using a genre of film to boost their market value.  I mean c'mon Scream and IKWYDLS almost killed the horror movie all together.  Sorority Row however, has this kinda Fuck it attitude and keeps it running throughout the whole movie.  The gore isn't hard core Like Rob Zombie's Halloween, but at times it gets the point made.  I really liked the characters in this movie too.  I live in a college town and have to reside next to the type of bitches played in this movie, so seeing them on the bigscreen being made fun of....well made me laugh.  ESP. the character of Chugs (harshman).  This chick is such an exaxct replica of my neighbor it's scary.  At  times though, it was a little much with the constant "sister this and sister that". I know it's about a bunch of Sorority sisters, but hey enough with the sister talk.  The acting was so-so, but Rumer Willis suprised me.  The daughter of Demi Moore and Bruce Willis really brought some sort of dignity to the film.  She didn't run around sreaming and crying, No....she actually showed a badass side of herself.  Imagine brawling like dad, but looking like a clone of mom...complete with the husky voice.  Yeah just for the near nude shot of her made me laugh.  I looked behind me and saw 8 12 year olds in awe of her body;)  Yeah guys this movie wasn't bad.  If you have a chance to see it during econo time then deff. go!  I still think the naysayers need to shut their fucking trap.  So it's a another slasher flick?  I give this more credit than that played out FD4, or the shitty SAW franchise..........
Overall rating ( * * * )
Mr. What?

Thursday, September 10, 2009

The Haunted World Of Elsuperbeasto ( 2009 )

Starring the voices of : Tom Pappa, Sheri Moon Zombie, Danny Trejo, Rosario Dawson, & Paul Giamatti
Written And Directed by Rob Zombie & Mr. Lawrence 
OK some of you will hate this movie, while some of you will love it.  First off if you like Ren and Stimpy and Heavy Metal, then this is for you.  Now if you're a cartoon geek who can dictate and deliver lines from obscure Japanese 90's toons, then you will hate this.  I guess it's one of those movies that fall right in the middle.  Almost any movie that Rob Zombie deals with has the same outcome.  Some Love it, and some hate it.  Same with this.  In my opinion it's just a raunchy cartoon that made me laugh, nothing more.  I wasn't expecting anything less.  Based on the comic book of the same name our story takes place in the world of Monsterland.  El Superbeasto ( Pappa ) is an ex Luchador that is washed and past his time.  Not that it matters though.  Armed with his sexy sister Sidekick Suzi X ( Moon Zombie ) the two do battle with a sleazy character named Dr. Satan ( Giamatti ) who wants to rule monsterland with the help of Miss Velvet Von Black ( Dawson ).  Yeah, nothing for real content, and a corny plot, but c'mon it's A Rob Zombie cartoon.....What the fuck did you expect?  I liked it though.  Once again it was nice to see somthing for Adults and not dumb kids.  I only had a couple of gripes though.  First, we have a reunion of sorts with Rob Zombie characters from other movies.  Capt. Spaulding, Otis, and even Banjo & Sullivan show up, but Dr. Satan looks stupid and nothing like the HO1000C version.  I would've loved to see that savage fucker brought to life via animation!!!!  The second is the illustrations.  There was a HUGE difference between the comic, and this animated version.  Maybe they thought it would be too offsetting for some viewers.  Like I said before, if you loved Ren & Stimpy, then put mass boobs, sex, and cussing into that mix and this is what you got.  All in all though, it reminded me of a Juiced up Fritz The Cat.
Overall rating ( * * * )
Mr. What?
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